Husband affair

[Feelinglikeafoolxxx]

This morning my husband has stated that me need to talk, then proceeded to tell me he has been feeling suicidal for a while and due to this got close to someone in his work - they then started having an affair! He said there was a discussion about leaving (after a family holiday we are going on) and when he told OW he had made a mistake and didn’t want to continue with said affair (or leave) she threatened to tell me as she didn’t care about me or our son! Husband has now coughed up to all of this appearing very upset (crocodile tears) stating he doesn’t want to ruin our family, will move job locations and do whatever he can over however many years to build up trust and deal with his low mood (apparently he has been seeing a counsellor, which I knew nothing about)

I really want him to just leave the family home as I don’t think I can look or want to be with him but I am also devastated that our sons life is going to be turned upside down by all of this! I have also been going through my own issues with fertility (arsehole) and feel he has not given a shit about me

What would you do

I wouldn't make any major decisions right now. Does your partner have somewhere he can stay right now?

Sorry op this is proper sh*t. Yes get him out, give yourself some space to clear you head. If he managed to do all of this covertly, it will be so hard to be able to trust him again.

Yeah he has somewhere to stay but I know as soon as my family find out there couldn’t be any going back anyways! He coughed up to his parents and has said he will go and tell my family but I feel that’s just a ploy to come across like a decent person (which he is not)

Yeah complete d*head

Your husband was feeling suicidal so started an affair?

He's been having counselling?

Sounds to me like these are all just very good excuses!!!!

I suspect he may have altered timelines somewhat to make it look better. Yes he may have at some point felt suicidal, but I reckon that was probably after the affair and when the AP told him she was going to blow the lid off it. He's only come clean as he had no option, you were about to get the lowdown.
If he wants to work on it, he should do it from a distance and give you all the time in the world to think about whether it's what you want or not. He has to work to your timeline, not when he wants reconciliation.

@buddylicious

Your husband was feeling suicidal so started an affair?

He's been having counselling?

Sounds to me like these are all just very good excuses!!!!

This

Don't fall for that bullshit. He's been having an affair and the ow didn't just go away quietly when he wanted to end it. He's using mental health as an excuse for his disgusting behaviour. Plus he's probably hoping that if he says he's been suicidal you won't punish him too much for fear of making him mentally unwell

Best of luck op I'm sorry this has happened to you x

In that case ask him to leave to give you the space you need to think things through. Tell him not to contact you. His words mean nothing compared to his actions.

I agree with all the above, I’ve kicked him out! Wasn’t that suicidal when he was sh**ing someone else

Hes emotionally manipulate I'd dump his arse.

Well he only ‘confessed’ because the OW gave him an ultimatum and threatened to tell you herself. Had they not fallen out, he would have happily continued this affair for years, living his best life with her and going through the motions at home with you. The suicidal mood is a red herring.

I think you would have noticed if he was suicidal lovely— more likely he felt suicidal knowing it was all going to come out

Yea get rid. Don’t spend any more
Time on this
Lying dickhead

I'd ask him to leave. Manipulative much?

I think you’ve done the right thing, you need time and space to work out what you want to do next. So sorry he has done this to you. I’m sure you will get lots of support from MN.

My ex played the 'feeling suicidal' card when he was found out. It seems a lot of them do. To make you feel sorry for them.

Get rid of him, he's a cheating pos playing on your good heart.

Throwing him out is what I would do, and you’ve already done that. I would now take some time to just breathe. That lying fucker has just blown up your life, made some utterly, utterly appalling choices and now he wants sympathy? Not in this lifetime pal! Take some time, all the time you need, make no decisions now. Try to eat a bit, not drink too much and see how you feel in a few weeks time. If you can, lean on friends and family, take all the support you can get. In a few weeks/ months it will be clearer to you what you really want to do. If he says he is suicidal again, direct him to the Samaritans. He is responsible for himself and his shit choices, you aren’t.

It's all bollocks he's spouting. Well done for kicking his lying self out of the house.
Take it minute by minute for now you must be wtf about the whole thing. Be strong and don't take him back.

It’s easy to say leave…reality once your in the situation is different though.

Tell him to leave to give you some space to think. If you forgive him don’t do it because you feel trapped or because you have no choice-it’s important that you choose because that’s what you want to choose for you.

A friend of mine said she would always leave but it happened to her and she took him back. It was the right choice, he does now go above and beyond for her, but so he should! I don’t think he would ever cheat again, he truly learnt his lesson as far as the eye sees.

You sound very strong although I know that this must be really painful. I absolutely agree that by telling everyone he's doing something for him, not you. It's damage control and an opportunity for him to come over as the broken man who can't believe what he did. Mine did the exact same thing. He's getting his story straight in order to keep everyone on board. Only you know the truth and absolutely agree that he was clearly not suicidal when he was busy shagging. Honestly, it's comedic in its pathetic way.

Seems u fair that he has spent a while talking with OW, you in the dark, talked to his parents, talked to you but it sounds like you, the innocent party in this has few options to vent and talk things over.

So he found out OW is a bit of a fruit loop and now all the burden is on you? Along with the crocodile tears and suicidal thoughts.

You need space to process. First of all.

Can he stay away for a week or so as a starter.

Thanks all for the messages! This is exactly it, I have spoken to OW and she has (clearly s fruit loop) sent me the messages etc between them, nothing in relation to this mental health and she didn’t appear a shoulder to cry on, merely someone to s*!

Of course I want him back I want my life to continue as normal but it’s not and I will need to pull myself together and deal with this

Take some time out to decide. If he’s still lying (which he clearly is) he will not change. The suicidal thoughts thing seems like emotional blackmail so he can’t be held accountable for his actions. Honestly seems like you deserve better.