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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Loveless Marriage

4 replies

Skinnyluv · 29/01/2022 09:26

I'm 34 and in a loveless marriage.
We have 2 young children.
We have discussed separating and agreed it could be the best option. Made plans to separate, but DH kept stalling which made it difficult to make plans to move on. He said he would move out as he has somewhere to go and I don't, but then didn't move out. We agreed to share the children equally, agreed our childcare days etc, then he wouldn't leave. I said we should put the house up for sale, he found every reason not to, stopped me getting valuations in.

So, We are now taking time out, whilst living under the same roof to really think about what we want, to see if we can both committ to making it work.

There is no affection, no love, no togetherness at all and he seems content with it. We sleep separately and have done for 2 years on and off.
He keeps making small talk with me as if all is fine, and I can't bear it. Asking me mundane questions like "what did you eat for lunch?" "Were you busy at work?" But nothing ever gets better than that, which is just how it was even before we were taking this time out to consider what we want to do. Nothing has changed despite all these talks,, I'm back in the rut. He keeps finding excuses to call me to ask me mundane questions, but there are no attempts made at affection at all.

I just need some love back in my life. I'm tired of living like this, but also scared to make the big steps that I know I'll need to make to actually separate from him. We're supposed to be having ",thinking time" between now and Mid-february but I can see already, that it's just forced us both back into a familiar rut.

What should I do?

OP posts:
SomewhereOnlyIKnow · 29/01/2022 09:30

You need to take action or this will drag on for years, or until someone else catches his eye.
Tell him it’s over and ask him to definitely move out. If he won’t go, and you can’t, sit on it until you can file for no fault divorce in April.
Take half of any joint money and put it in your account, stop doing his cooking and washing. Live separate lives in the house.

Skinnyluv · 29/01/2022 09:30

He wants to make idle conversation with me all the time. Ask me lots of boring questions. But is emotionally unavailable, affectionless, no desire for sex, lack of fun, lack of effort.

OP posts:
SomewhereOnlyIKnow · 29/01/2022 09:34

You are housemates. Time to end it and find a man who wants to shag you senseless.

Skinnyluv · 29/01/2022 09:51

I dream about finding a man to have lots pf sex with @SomewhereOnlyIKnow

OP posts:
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