Is it over?

[Myusername2015]

Long one sorry. I’ve been with my husband for 11 years married for 6 with one child. Everything was going well until last year when I contracted covid was incredibly ill admitted to hospital for multiple weeks during the year and finally diagnosed with a progressive neurological disorder. I’ve put on weight partly due to long term steroids and am 5 stone heavier than when we first met and I totally understand why he is unhappy with this and I’m trying to lose it now. We’re currently living abroad due to his work and I’m so lonely here. He seems completely different these days he returned from a 2 week work trip today I didn’t get any kind of hello just ranting and swearing in front of our son as we’d lost the remote control. Do I cut my losses here or just see if things change when I lose weight? Thank you for reading I’m sleeping in the spare bed and am so sad tonight.

Aww hon, thats shit. I hope you feel healthier soon. For you though. Not for that cunt.

You shouldn't have to be worrying about losing weight in a time like this. Because your partner should be supporting you and loving you even more than ever because you are ill.

Just lose the dead weight that is him.
You deserve better and so does your wee boy. He shouldn't see his mum miserable like this as a result of his father being a dick to her.

If anything, let the silver lining of your illness be realising who is not good for you in your life. Who does and does not have your back. And get free of the later, because life is far too short to spend it with wankers.

Don't think of it as cutting your losses, think of it as getting a second chance at happiness. Because you would never have got it if you stayed with him.

I'm so sorry things are difficult for you, you sound lovely and it doesn't sound like he deserves you. I hope some wise women come along and offer the advice and support you need

So sorry you’re going through this.

If you lost the weight how would you feel about your husband? If he started acting nicer wouldn’t that bother you that it’s connected to something so shallow?

Thank you for the replies; it’s really hard as I’m financially far more vulnerable than him (he is a 6 figure earner where as I had to leave my job in the summer when I was registered disabled and too ill to work) it just feels like living with a grumpy old man that I’m always worried is going to be annoyed about something. It doesn’t feel like much a life but I have no idea how I would manage financially for my son and myself

What PinkBonbon wrote. Do not let your son furthermore learn that yes, this is how men treat women.

Are you in his home nation?. Is this a country where women's rights re divorce are respected?.

I agree with @Pinkbonbon

He's not stepped up when you needed him, in fact he's actually gone one step further and sabotaged yourecovery.

I would go to a solicitor to find out where you stand financially.

Take care

your recovery

You poor thing. I'm so sorry. That's no way to be treated.

Can you stay with someone who will be a friend to you?

Please move on. Life goes so quickly, I wish I had done it years ago. He should be more caring and thoughtful

I think before any decisions are made, we need to think about the last year or so-your illness and subsequent diagnosis were obviously very stressful and difficult for you both.
Covid has put a whole new burden onto this with the additional strain.
How did he cope during your admittance to hospital? who helped care for your son? the anger over petty things as the tv remote suggest he's perhaps feeling stressed, it could be that he too is worrying about the future, the dynamics of your family and needs have changed and that's pressure for both of you.

Could you have a talk and see how things are and ask him about the feelings he's showing towards you?

life is too short to be unhappy and he should be more supportive but before you draw the line, try and resolve the issues

Get your confidence and self worth back and once you have that you will know the answer. Start by

1. Focusing on your health for you to build your self worth not for him. Exercise as a way of improving your positivity, yoga pilates swimming walking
2. If you are overseas you probably have access to private health insurance to tap into for counselling for you and other programmes
3. If he spends lots of weeks away, then I suggest you change your residence to somewhere you have support-I guess in the uk and he can come back to you from there. You can play the needing to get lean and fit angle. As your child is 6 this should be possible to move him. Do not hesitate for fear of him splitting from you. If he is worth it he will agree. If not he has made it easier for you to move on to much better things.
4. The NUMBER 1 thing you must do is build up your self worth and not look to him for approval which you are doing at the moment. Who gives a shit you are overweight. What is probably burdening you is you have lost your self esteem and you are going to get that back for yourself not from him. He can form an orderly queue when men engage with you and you can choose.

Sorry for delayed reply; thank you to everyone who has offered advice. We’re both British back but living abroad while he works. He did very little last year while I was so ill; my sister had my son as he had already moved by himself to the country we now live in. I’m literally scared of him…not physically but his rage I discovered a bit of ink on the chair today he was furious slamming doors; shouting.. My small child refers to him as the boss in charge of all of us. I hate feeling like this and I think deep down I want it to be over but I have no clue how. We are married but our house in England which is being rented out is solely in his name. I used up to what little savings I had last year to pay for private specialists when I was acutely ill. He is a 6 figure plus multiple earner but I have no access to any bank accounts that aren’t my own. I’m disabled and can’t work at present. There just seems no way out ☹️

I don`t want to alarm you or add to your stress, but if he turns even nastier he could prevent you from repatriating with your son back to the uk. I am living abroad and have seen examples of this. You would effectively be stuck in the country you are in now that you say you are so lonely in, or you leave without your son. I think you need to make a plan to persuade him that it is sensible for the family to be back in the uk and him to work abroad. It sounds like he is money and possessions focused so depending on your situation you could say healthcare and education is free in the UK and would save lots of money. I am really sorry to be sharing this with you, but thought I should warn you so you can take steps to avoid this. Get the support of your sister to find a way forward.