I've not posted for a while but you can also find me as peekaboob and brokenlock.
Basically, the emotional abuse and walking on eggshells got too much. I found the courage to end it after going to counselling and talking to police and DA support schemes.
Long story short - after 2 years of being gaslit after his family froze me and his daughter out and him saying I needed an apology he turned round and said i should just let everything go and it's all water under the bridge. This was after he:
burst through a locked door to get to me then drove his son home drunk
refused to address his parent's freezing me and his daughter out and their continued abuse, including no space for me and her at the christmas table so we ate in the kitchen while he ate with them
constant threats of physical punishment to his son
putting down of my kids
i had to hire a babysitter if I went out as he'd never looked after our daughter (we didn't live together). I went out a total of 2 times after her birth as it was too expensive for the sitter and the night.
Those are just a few things. I ended it in November. I have cctv up at my house on advice from the police so he hasn't attempted to come here. He asked a total of 3 times, usually on the day if he could see her. I said we were busy on the advice of a solicitor who said let him make the first move. The last time he asked was a couple of weeks before Christmas. I said he would not be seeing her for the forseeable future. Christmas comes and no gift or card sent for her from him or any of his family. I thought that was it, he'd given up on her. Which, I admit is what I want. He is toxic and violent and will destroy her self-esteem like he has with his son who requires intensive therapy.
Today I received a mediation request via email. I spoke to the mediator and said I would not be interested as there is domestic abuse involved. He has also previously been arrested for DV with another partner. I think he is going to go for some sort of access. This is from a man who did not contribute financially to his child until she was 2. Her nursery fees alone are over £800, and she was put in nursery so I could work for his business. He used to see her for maybe 20 minutes a few times a week, and a couple of hours on a Sunday. I know he is only going for access because it looks good for the family image. What are my chances, of this not happening? The schools, police and counselling team are all aware of his behaviour as one of the children disclosed his violence. Nursery have never seen him and said she never mentions him. She doesn't mention him at home and never asks where he is. She doesn't know her other half brother, despite me trying to build a relationship, she never mentions him either. My other children are so much happier since the relationship ended and they do not want him in their lives. Can anyone please give me any advice or a handhold?