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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He says he loves me but...........

4 replies

lucyellensmum · 29/12/2007 16:26

I'm not so sure.

We have had a terrible few years and all credit to him for staying with me. I have had PND among other things and i know i have been a bitch.

Things, on the surface are getting better, but i just don't get "that feeling" from him anymore. I love him dearly and couldnt bear to be without him but i honestly think i have destroyed any love he had for me. I think he is only here for his DD, who he adores. Its like he is going through the motions, he says he loves me, he tells me often enough, but actions speak louder than words don't they.

I know i sound like a spoilt brat but i think i am feeling like this because he didnt buy me a xmas present, money is tight and he said he didnt have time, which i suppose is right, but i would have been happy with just a card. I didnt actually get him a card because i knew he wouldnt buy me one and i almost felt that getting him a card would be petty, and make him feel bad. I did buy him a present but it was unsuitable and has to go back to the shop. I genuinely had NO money and no means to get out to any decent shops (borrowed the money from my mum) so i just got something out of desperation. I told him it didn't matter about the present (this will be the third year now ) as there was nothing i needed.

There is something wrong, i can't put my finger on it - he is definately not having an affair, he wouldnt have the time but he is cold with me and impatient. I just asked him a simple question about some work we are supposed to be doing and he was really sarcastic and dismissive, i asked him what i had done wrong, he said nothing, he was just tired, well doing fuck all does make you tired doesnt it!!!

This is HURTING, i dont know what to do, i dont want to leave, ive told him i feel unloved and he just says that he loves me, the other day i even said to him "prove it" - i'm still waiting.

LEM awards herself the spoilt brat of the year award.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 29/12/2007 16:32

Sounds like you need to have some fun together on your own. Think back to things you did pre-dd, we went to seen a band last year for our anniversary and it reminded us how much we still enjoy things together and that we do have things in common etc, occassionally you need to put extra special effort in and keep things alive. You could write him a letter explaining how you feel or try counselling? Make a special effort for him like a nice meal or dress to impress him.

LoveMyGirls · 29/12/2007 16:35

Oh btw we have never brought each other xmas pressies we'd rather the extra cash went on things for the kids, we've got each other and our famillies i'd rather a tiny bit less stress than a present so we try to make an effort to make each others lives easier by sharing everything out as equally as we can, letting the other have a lie in or ironing their clothes, running their bath, letting them watch what they want on tv, looking after the kids while the other goes out.

tiredemma · 29/12/2007 16:36

We dont buy pressies for each other- its something that we stopped doing once we had DS1 and tbh- it makes it so much easier!

lucyellensmum · 29/12/2007 16:38

its not the presents, its what it represents

That really is an issue that is nagging, only because of the way he is being

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