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[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi. You may remember my threads from earlier in the year, about my abusive ex husband, and his apalling abuse of my children from my previous marriage and his suspicious behaviour towards our DD, aged 3. I went into a refuge after months/years of psychological abuse and then eventually got him removed by the courts.
I have made a new life for myself and the DC...at the moment we are staying with friends 200 miles away and I think we will eventually stay here permanently as the children are now unwinding and relaxing and settling down at last.
The problem is ex h. I have now received a letter asking me to go to mediation. I've been advised against it by womens aid as a lot of abusers will use this a way of manipulating and abusing again, and it's only now I'm away from him that I realise how bloody scared of him I was and still am.
I found his diarys and read them...soooo scary. He spent time in a psych hospital, tried to kill himself numerous times, tried to hang himself in there, and the rantings which he put down on paper point to a dangerously disturbed and dangerous man. He made threats several times that he would take DD and I;d never see her again. Then on xmas eve she told me that Daddy had shown her his 'willy' several times (if you remember from my previous threads he used to take her in the bath with him and lock the door and this is apparently where he used to show her). I tried to play it down slightly, and said that he was just washing his body and she was adamant that he only washed his willy when she was with him...never his body/face etc. Bear in mind that this is a man who wouldn't shower or bathe for 9 days at a time, and then suddenly would lock himeslf in the bathroom with our daughter. he also accessed porn in front of her so his behaviour is inappropriate to say the least. I had to take her to the GP when I was in the refuge to check for sexual assault/disease because the workers there were so concerned about his behaviour.
I take his threats against DD very seriously. He WOULD abduct her. So...what's to stop me staying here so far away, changing my mobile number etc and just starting again? It's not bitterness on my part, I actively encourage my older 2 children's relationship with their father, but I am scared for my daughter's safety, welfare and even her life if he is allowed to see her.
The injunction runs out in Feb, and my solicitor has told me that there is nothing to stop him moving back in then, as the courts won't extend the injunction as he hasn't shown any deteriorating behaviour. But his mail has started coming back to the house after 3 months of receiving nothing, and I have a sick feeling that he is planning on doing just that.
His children from his previous marriage will have nothing to do with him because of the emotional abuse he diplayed towards them...he really is a disturbed, dangerous man. I am also fearful for my own safety; he made death threats against his ex girlfriend, serious enough for him to be detained in a psych hopsital for 3 months.

Hi, and sorry I've been a while. Peter Duck, no idea of the legal implications...however, I DO know that he could not possible claim instability on my part - he himself spent 3 months in a psych hospital a few years ago, and has frequently threatened suicide (this is all documented at police/doctors/social services etc).
My daughter has told me some disturbing things with regards her Dad...she is only 3 and has made reference to things which she says he did...but the NSPCC have told me that there would not be a conviction because of her age (the courts wouldn't subject her to questioning), so I am left with the dilemma...do I leave it, disappear, start a new life - or do I pursue this, knowing he wouldn't be convicted and he would then be free to come after me. I am literally in fear of my life if I report him and given what I have been told by NSPCC I see no benefit to reporting him, only in putting it all behind us and starting again.

I meant to say that if I pursue it, he would almost definately be able to find us (I'd have a solicitor from where I am staying for instance and the address would at least show what part of the country we are in, and also the local police, although mindful of the fact that we are in hiding, would give it away simply by which constabulary they work for), and I would almost certainly have to face him at some point...all for dragging my baby through the courts with no real result at the end of it.

Hi, yes I am staying with a friend at the moment...someone H doesn't know about at all, and over 200 miles from 'home'...it would be the perfect place to disappear to permanently, which is what I am probably going to do. I have a huge network of support here, friends and friends of friends which is what's keeping me sane. I've changed my car, and am even thinking seriously of changing my name by deed poll so that I cannot be found. Unfortunately I can't change DD's name but I will do as much as I can to hide and protect her, my other 2 and myself.

Also (I keep doing this don't I? lol) I called the local council here (at friends house) and told them that I am living in one room with the kids because of the risk to myself and kids if I go home etc etc...she said that until I can prove things they won't house me up here. I told her I had already given her social services reports, doctor's reports, police reports etc as well as intervention from my own council and she said she can't do anything for me...I said that if I go to the police with the disclosures DD made to me no charge will be brought, and as soon as he finds out he will come looking for me and she said until I do report it and have the police records to back it up they won't listen. So no...I have had no help from the authorities at all.

LOL...I know the feeling - I'm black and blue some days from my dd climbing on me!
Yes, the house back home is a council house - based in East Anglia (don't want to say too much just in case...you never know!!), The council there have been pretty good to be fair, but you speak to one person and they say x and then speak to another person and they say y...it doesn't seem as if there is much protocol in place for situations like this. All I can really hope for is an exchange, but it doesn't seem likely and I can't keep the house on indefinately seeing as I don't spend much time there now. However, I covered my back there and told the council, tax credits people etc and they are all happy for me to carry on in this way at the moment while I try and sort something out. BUT if I give the house up I will be here for the foreseeable future - it's not ideal as it's only a 2 bed house, and with me and 3 kids here it's a tight squeeze. My friends has been fantastic though - a real knight in shining armour.