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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does this sound like an affair to you?

5 replies

thruglass · 28/01/2022 13:04

This is historic, although recent. In a nutshell DH became suddenly very ill and he stayed in hospital on and off for a period of about 2 months. I was very busy with work at the time and would also drop him off, pick him up and visit him when I could. I felt very tired during that time. On the days I couldn't visit because of work, we would message and it was nice messaging, I felt we actually became closer because we were messaging because we couldn't be together physically.
Then it changed very quickly. Bizarrely, it coincided with him getting a new phone although this might be a red herring. The messaging stopped and he became quite short with me. He was discharged from hospital and over the next 6 months, became more and more moody. I put it down to meds he was on, although he was being weaned off them but he was getting worse - like he didn't like me that much.
I eventually asked him if he had developed feelings for someone else and he reacted aggressively, saying he wanted a divorce. Other family members got involved and he changed his mind about divorce. Some two months after this there was one morning where he looked like he'd been crying. He is absolutely adamant he wasn't having an affair.

Everything about this - to me anyways - points to him having a sudden emotional attachment with someone. I wondered if it might have been someone linked to his hospital stay, but I've never asked him this. Would you think what I'm thinking if you were in my position?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 28/01/2022 13:06

What reason did he have for wanting a divorce? Could his illness have caused any mental health issues? If not then I'd be very suspicious, I'm afraid.

TVaddict1982 · 28/01/2022 13:09

Hi there, sorry to hear you’ve been through so much of late. I think I’d be feeling exactly the same as you to be honest. I’m sure I couldn’t move forward until I’d got to the bottom of it all, it would play on my mind.

There maybe other reasons for wanting a divorce and the tears, but surely he’d be able to relay this reasons to you? Hugs x

thruglass · 28/01/2022 13:11

The reason he gave for wanting a divorce at the time was basically that he said 'I'm fed up with your shit'.

OP posts:
Jenjenn · 28/01/2022 13:11

No, it sounds like his serious illness has had an effect on his mental health. I had a ptsd from a medical experience and really resented my dh for a while for not being able to advocate for me better. In hindsight he did his best. I needed theraphy to unpack the issues and reframe my thinking.

Crazykatie · 28/01/2022 13:18

This sounds like depression brought on by the illness changing a man that was feeling good and confident, into one feeling low and dependant.

Unless you have any direct evidence discount an affair

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