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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

She lead me on?

14 replies

PrimeFire72 · 28/01/2022 12:20

It all started 2 months ago. I met this girl (18), me (18), at my high school and we introduced ourselves. In that week, she made the first step by texting me on IG. From that day, we talked daily, for hours, about everything and all was perfect, I really thought that she is the one.

Before Christmas, after 3 weeks of speaking, she told me that it would be nice to have a meeting, so I asked her out and she accepted, but after Christmas, because she is not in town. After the New Year, she totally changed, I really don't know what happened, but she started to be distant, cold, send dry texts and she left me on delivery for hours. I was kinda ok with that, I thought that maybe she has a bad time, so I tried to be there, everytime, asking if anything happened, if she's ok. She said that she is ok and changed the subject, every single time. . The worst part wasn't that, the thing is that from the gn and gm texts, flirt to nothing, not even to: How are you, or how was your day too?

One time, she said, out of nowhere: I miss my ex. Was a common subject, it's ok, just to know about your past relationships. I was ok, the first time, but she said this about 3 times in 1 day and another thing that she said was: I can't wait to go outside to find a boyfriend. This thing kinda destroyed me.

Then, I decided to take the step, I asked her: Hey, how about that meeting we established before Christmas? She left me on seen. For 3 days. I was destroyed, like the person I really like to talk with, left me on seen for 3 days and came back after those with a meme and I started to be cold and she asked why am I mad. Really? Why? You treated me like nothing. She tried to blame me, she did that because she didn't know what to say, because in the last time I avoid her, that I am annoying and insistent. Insistent? We talked for 2 months and I just asked you what about the meeting we both decided to go, we even chose the location. How do I avoid you? If I ask you daily how you are, if you are fine, how was your day, did you eat, and you don't even text: How are you? If you don't want me in your life, why you are the one who textes me first, every day?

The thing that ended all for me, was her saying: I don't want to fight anymore, I want us to be friends. I asked: What were we? and she said partial friends. I don't even know what that means.

OP posts:
TeaStory · 28/01/2022 12:32

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you might have built this up in your head to more than it really was. You can't know someone is "the one" without even dating - and it doesn't sounds like she expressed any romantic interest in you. It sounds like she always saw you as a friend. It sounds like you came on really strong and perhaps she got scared off - I would have been. I am sorry, I think you need to forget her and move on, nothing good will come of continuing to pursue her.

GentlemanJayFab · 28/01/2022 12:35

Life's rubbish at times. It's no consolation but you are 18. You will have plenty more twists and turns in your life like this one. These are the things that make life and people interesting.

Move on. Don't let her live rent free in your head.

PrimeFire72 · 28/01/2022 12:43

Thank you for your words. Yhea, life is bad sometimes, I ended the communication with her and I moved on, right now working on myself. Wish you the best and stay safe!

OP posts:
PrimeFire72 · 28/01/2022 12:46

@TeaStory

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you might have built this up in your head to more than it really was. You can't know someone is "the one" without even dating - and it doesn't sounds like she expressed any romantic interest in you. It sounds like she always saw you as a friend. It sounds like you came on really strong and perhaps she got scared off - I would have been. I am sorry, I think you need to forget her and move on, nothing good will come of continuing to pursue her.
To be honest, I had nothing wrong with us being friends, I accepted that, but even a friend asks how your day was or how do you feel.
OP posts:
DropYourSword · 28/01/2022 12:48

It sucks when you really like someone and they don't quite reciprocate your feelings.
I guess this is one of those important lessons in life where you have to pick up the clues someone is laying for you that they aren't as interested in you.

UltraVividLament · 28/01/2022 12:52

She didn't "lead you on" just because she was friendly towards you and agreed to one meet up and then changed her mind. Women are allowed to change their minds.

You obviously had very different hopes and expectations about the possibility of a relationship. That's fine, as long as you don't blame her for that!

PrimeFire72 · 28/01/2022 12:59

@UltraVividLament

She didn't "lead you on" just because she was friendly towards you and agreed to one meet up and then changed her mind. Women are allowed to change their minds.

You obviously had very different hopes and expectations about the possibility of a relationship. That's fine, as long as you don't blame her for that!

I totally agree with you. I don't blame her for changing her mind, that's normal, we are humans. I asked only because she changed her behaviour over the holidays and started to be another person.
OP posts:
StormTreader · 28/01/2022 13:00

"To be honest, I had nothing wrong with us being friends, I accepted that, but even a friend asks how your day was or how do you feel."

Do they, though? Do all of your guy friends do this every day, or is this a special female-friend-only kind of thing you expect? Do you have other female friends who ask you how your day was and how you feel?

UltraVividLament · 28/01/2022 13:01

You've known her for 2 months, you don't know what her normal behaviour is. And people are allowed to change their response to you, that doesn't make her "another person". It just shows that you didn't know her as well as you think you did.

PrimeFire72 · 28/01/2022 13:07

Yhea, you guys are right. I miss understood her. Was the right choice to split our ways

OP posts:
Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 28/01/2022 13:26

Hi OP. I can see this is really disappointing for you. You had hoped this would be something special and it's not even got over the first hurdle. I would urge you not to use the language of 'led me on' though as it is often used as a way to belittle people (mainly women) who changed their mind - it's a way of trying to make out that they are obligated to do more either relationship-wise or sexually-wise. She is entitled to change her mind at any point for any reason.

UserBotAI999 · 28/01/2022 13:33

Dont spend hours communicating online because it doesnt necessarily transfer to real life. You are so young, every lesson is learnt the hard way!
Next time, bear in mind that unless th3 communication is in real life, no meaning can be read in to it at all.

UserBotAI999 · 28/01/2022 13:35

I agree with regard to language like lead me on. She met you in real life and didnt want to pursue a real life relationship. You will be in those shoes yrslf sometime. It's not leading a person on. It's just realising this isnt right.

sammylady37 · 28/01/2022 18:29

Tbh op, saying you are ‘destroyed’ by someone you’ve never met in real life making a comment about wanting a boyfriend is totally over the top and intense. If you genuinely feel that devastated about it, I suggest you need to do some work on yourself, with a counsellor.

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