Am I overthinking the situation or is this not okay.

[Bcal92]

So me and my partner have been together for 5 years now. We have 2 beautiful daughters under 4 so it's very hands on. My partner was brilliant with the first, he had to be really involved though as I suffered with quite bad post partum depression, and he was brilliant.
I'm not sure if I am just having a realisation all of a sudden but I keep finding myself thinking I'm unhappy at the moment. I feel totally victamised by him a lot these days and it's silly little things that he does and says that just build up I think. Like the fact I do 90% of what needs doing for the kids, keep the house as well as I can manage which some days is difficult. The only things I ask him to do is take the bins out, and if I have a bad night with the baby (which is most nights) I ask him for 45 mins in bed in the morning before I get up and get my toddler dressed and ready for nursery, but he continuously whinges about clutter in the house, the fact that the laundry builds up but honestly kids come with a lot of stuff and I don't have the hours in the day to do it with looking after the baby who has now started moving.
He will swan off fishing at any opportunity he can, and he has recently decided to start an open university degree that he will sit and do for a couple of hours at peak times where I'm rushing myself ragid with the kids on an evening. I just feel like he proves a point to not help out ... If I ask him for help with something he will give me the huff and yeah 2 mins, then like 15 mins later I will get annoyed and do it myself.
I find myself asking him if I can go and do simple things like go to the shop alone and have a shower, and 9 times out of 10 he will tell my toddler to go find me when I'm in the shower.
Honestly I am just considering telling him to go. And it breaks by heart because I dont want to split up the family and he was so great once upon a time. But I feel myself resenting him.. what do I do. He criticises me a lot, makes me feel stupid like If I go to mention that I'm not happy about something he will turn around and tell me that I always do this... 1 little thing and I blow it out the water like it's a huge deal, when all I'm trying to do is communicate with him.
I'm completely stuck.

I'm thinking this could be the real him coming out because I've just noticed you say 5yrs together and 2 DC under 4. So the oldest is 3? So you had max 2yrs together before pregnancy. So firstly the relationship is new and everyone is at their best when it's new, then there's the novelty of pregnancy and a new baby. Maybe the shine has worn off for him and his true colours are showing How long have things been bad for? You might not have noticed it start if you only had one DC and so were managing everything and was wrapped up in them.

All those moans can be flipped round on him too.

• home cooking, yes you're right it's healthier, what are you going to make for us because I'm too tired?
• yes the washing is a bit out of control, why don't you go and put a load on now and please remember to hang it up afterwards won't you, I'm very busy at the moment.
• sex? You've got to be joking! I've been running round like a skivvy all week while you've had two afternoons fishing with your mates, I don't feel remotely sexy. I'm exhausted and need a nap though, please keep an eye on the DC for an hour... No we can't "do a deal" that means you doing something now and me napping later because I'm tired now.

Etc etc.

Whatever you do, when you go back to work get a cleaner interviewed and booked, you could also ask around for someone to perhaps do some cooking, change the beds and towels, washing etc. don’t iron anything - if he won’t help, sub it out to free up your time

Ask him does he consider you a team.

Ask him what his parenting / family values are.

Tell him that yours are to create a calm and peaceful home through collaborative, equal and respectful parenting.

Ask him if he is onboard with this because if he isn’t or has other ideas (eg a home of misogyny, subjugation, resentment, contempt etc) - then you need to separate because you are not raising children in this environment.

What sort of home was he raised in - that will give you a clue to his behaviour.

You need to call him on it - he shapes up or ships out. You don’t need your motherhood or your DD childhood polluted by this nonsense because it will affect them to have an exhausted mother.

if he won’t help, sub it out to free up your time

But take it out of joint funds not your own spends.