My boyfriend is a struggler. He is a wonderful man who keeps that brave face on for the world and tries to make others happy. That's why I liked him. As I got to know him I found out he was depressed and has been diagnosed with bpd. He has a huge fear of being abandoned. When things go wrong. Such as an argument or maybe me wanting to communicate he gets frightened. His walls come up. He tries to avoid it by either shouting or sayinh the most cruel things and blocking me. But ofcourse this is short term and when he calms he will reach out. This happens rarely but particularly around Christmas he was struggling. I know what's going on with him and we are both learning new ways he communicate. He's getting much better at calming down or communicating how he's feeling and he apologises now and explains why he reacts. Even though it sounds terrible it's extremely rare this happens and I knew this was a part of how he is.
I have no doubts he loves me. He takes care of me. He often will let me know how much he appreciates me and my support. He is very thoughtful and loving towards me. He is constantly checking I'm happy as his house and this can be a little bit too much.
But due to the lack of support around him family wise (no relationship with dad, mums passed away and siblings are far away) he didn't know how to handle it when his last girlfriend dumped him after 8.5 years. The result of that was he ended up emotionally clinging on to the ex. The ex decided she wanted to also be his friend. They stayed in eachothers lives and she was the one supporting him through his grief for her. We've been together a year and a half now and in that time she's not visited. But she has gone through stages of reaching out. Hinting at a reunion. Suggesting I'm not good enough. I've watched my boyfriends reactions. He's managed her. He told her she could still message him via wattsapp but he chose to block her on social media platforms. He has complained to me alot about her behaviour and how certain things she did hurt him. He's also been defensive and hurt if I've suggested it's not normal because there's no signs of friendship just clinging!
I don't think he will ever go back to her. But I think he's still confused and feels too afraid to completely loose contact. I don't like hearing about her so much. It's caused rows. I'm just struggling with how much of it is in my head. He told me yesterday I think about his ex more than him. I think he's right. I'm a little fearful of her being the love of his life and I'm not ever gunna be as loved. He's told me i already mean more because she didn't know how to support him. But he also says they never rowed and we do. That made me mad because they were far from happy.
I don't know what's me or him. But I know I love this man and I want us to work. Any idea