Name changed for this post.
A couple of years ago I suffered a severe and sudden assault from my then partner. He leaped on me as I entered our home and pushed me to the ground (I supposed 'felled' is the best way to describe it as he took a run-up and pinned me down by sitting on my chest - like an animal bringing down its prey). He proceeded to throttle me and repeatedly bang my head against the floor. For some reason, he stopped and I managed to crawl away but was in and out of consciousness - when I came to, I woke to see him cleaning my blood from the walls with a cloth. It was horrible.
At the time I had no family close by and no friends in the Uk as I had returned from spending a decade abroad. I was also HFW which in retrospect put me hugely at risk given the isolation that can accompany this.
9 days after the assault I went to see a therapist who listed DV as one of the areas she covered. I saw her alone a couple of times and then we had one joint session - which I suggested, not knowing that this was a bad idea and wanting to make sense of things. The therapist showed no reluctance to offer the joint session despite knowing the severity of the assault. 'He' detailed the assault in its entirety during the joint session as if he was reading out the items on a shopping list.
We only had one joint session, I had a few more individual sessions before I woke up to the fact that this therapist didn't seem to have my best interests at heart. I felt she was excusing the DV, for example, she seemed to focus more on the failings of 'his' parents in not teaching him right from wrong (he was 40!).
My gut feeling/objection at the time was that this woman was somehow protective of the person who had assaulted me...almost making excuses for him however, I have recently begun to wonder whether she was also attempting to dissuade me from reporting the assault.
I recorded the session because, at the time, I had a gut feeling that if anything worse happened to me, or if I reported the assault, the therapist would not be honest about him admitting to it during the joint session...that she would try to protect him in some way. I wanted there to be some 'proof' as I felt no one would believe me.
I recently listened to the recording for the first time since the session and now, from a place of safety, with a clearer head, listening to the therapist's words it seems obvious to me that she was introducing the idea that I should keep quiet - but I wondered if I was being unreasonable.
For example, in the session, I tell her that I don't think I will be able to move on with my life if i don't report him, that there is a lot of evidence and feel that due to this, he will not deny the assault. The therapist responds by saying the thing is that she has seen court cases and it is not nice at all for the victim...she repeats this several times then says that I will get a lot of flack from my abuser's family (whom she knew I was afraid of). I don't feel that she should have sugar-coated anything, and the above may well be true - however, the therapist did not balance her statements by explaining that victims also get support...she said nothing to encourage, only things that would make me reluctant to report. The therapist also said I was at the stage where I 'could' report it (a long stretched out 'could' as if it wasn't the best way forward) or I could just leave it. The idea of just leaving it was never indicated by anything I said in the session...I can just hear a confused victim who wants justice but is afraid...the concept of just leaving it was introduced by her.
I can't understand why the therapist should have acted in this way - she met the man who assault me once....I don't understand why she would try and make excuses for him. I'm wondering now if, for some reason, she wanted to avoid the stress of being called as a witness...or felt she shouldn't have seen us together (it's inadvisable but not totally against BACP guidelines) and that was why she was suggesting the idea of not reporting, what was a serious crime.
I'm safe now and very very very slowly my PTSD is improving, but like anyone who has gone through something similar, I'm still trying to make sense of the event and what happened in the aftermath and just wondered if anyone had any idea why a therapist would introduce the idea of a victim of crime not reporting the matter?
Very sorry for long post!!