Infants and Trauma / Attachment issues

[taylormaid1]

Hi All,

I just want to know if anyone has previously experienced the same or can offer advice for the following:

My son had a homebirth, he was 10lbs it's fair to say it was slightly traumatic and he came out screaming (someone later referred to as a neuro-cry) and had colic reflux..

He was hospitalised for an infection of his bellybutton overnight with me, he had 2 courses of strong antibiotics..

I definitely experienced PTSD but this was never diagnosed by docs..

I later got an infection and too needed antibiotics.. tough start put me off wanting more..

The sleep deprivation was so intense I think it did actually drive me slightly mental.. I had insomnia and paranoia, me and my husband argued a fair amount, atmosphere tension was rife.. I tried to meet each and every need but was out of my depth entirely.. I had no family support nor after care from midwives.. I was literally left to it..

My son is now 3.5 years and showing really severe separation anxiety.. he hates me not being with him and although I feel we have bonded I think my initial anxiety in his first few years of life had really affected him/rubbed off..

How can I fix this?

I want him to thrive but so far he seems quite stressed and anxious often in fight or flight mode..

Have you had any therapy? Your son is anxious to leave you now because he is attached to you and he doesn't want to be apart. That is healthy and normal. The greatest thing you can do for him now is try and be as emotionally present as you can be, a lot of us need therapy to allow us to get out of our anxious thoughts and enter a more loving, grounded space. Children often mirror the emotional state of the parent so I would thoroughly recommend looking at your own anxiety and stress and going from there. Good luck. x

Hi Op, @coffeeisthebest has given fantastic insightful advice. Hope you are ok Op.

It’s really normal for toddlers to be very clingy at 3.5, developmentally he’s starting to see you and he as separate beings and that’s a scary thing. That doesn’t mean there are attachment difficulties - separation anxiety is part of forming healthy attachments, and will resolve as he grows and develops.

Is there anything else happening to indicate he has an insecure attachment style?

I’d echo the suggestion of therapy for yourself to process and resolve your own trauma and to increase your capacity for emotional regulation which in turn will help him to learn how to regulate and self soothe.

Thank you all so much for this xx

He is just very clingy and wants me all the time, even when we go playgroup, he doesn't go off and play but will stay with me until he is warmed up then he will go and play but not one to stray far xx