I met my boyfriend on Instagram over a few years ago. We were friends for awhile first, but eventually got together in an exclusive, long distance relationship. I learned through him that he wanted to keep our relationship private because he has crazy exes. So I respected that, in hope hed change his mind eventually over time. We both do play a virtual game called Second Life, but he'd rarely get on with me or do things with me there.
We never took photos in-game, but he'd take photos alone and always claimed he had those pics in his phone that he never posted. He knows that I am the public type, I love being public about who I'm with because that is my person and I'm not afraid to show my special person off to the world. But he said he was uncomfortable to do so, so I stopped bringing it up. But it would always come up when I'd see him commenting on other girl's photos, or when he'd post something. Yet he always would tell me "social media means nothing to him," and that he doesnt care about the virtual game we play like that.
He also has this best friend the he himself calls easy and has sex with whoever she can. He also has female friends that comment ❤, 😍 under his photos that makes me very upset. He says he pays no mind to it because it doesnt matter to him. He says everyone knows about me, but since we are private, how do I know that's true? I dont even feel comfortable telling anyone we're together because of how he acts about it, which makes me feel like I'm not myself. His best friend even had asked him to visit her to meet her new boyfriend, but I wasnt invited by her or my boyfriend. My boyfriend said he didnt invite me because he knows i dont trust her. How can I trust someone that he himself calls easy? Then I asked him why didnt he invite me and he said "you can come if you want to."
We have made countless plans for him to visit but he has never came once. Hes canceled plans due to family issues because he thinks he needs to fix all of his family's troubles on his own, even their mistakes he wants to correct. Which pushes me to the very bottom. I feel last to him in every way yet he says I'm not. For his birthday, he didnt even tell me he decided he wasnt coming. He decided on his own and didnt bring it up until days after he was supposed to show. He only brought it up because we were arguing because I was hurt because he didnt show. He knew days before he wasnt coming and never told me.
During arguments. He has hung up on me several times and rushes me off the phone to get off before "he says something he'll regret." I told him never to hang up on me or rush me but he continues to do so.
We have broken up at least twice. I believe I have fell out of love with him because I'm honestly tired of him telling me hes going to do something, and then he doesnt yet he gets upset at me that I don't trust his word anymore. This past week he was supposed to be here but he didnt show. We have never met in person. This recent break up, he mentioned we need to learn each other and be stronger. Yet all we've done is the same thing. Sit on the phone. I dont even call or text him like I used to when I was in love. And I dont even care if I go all day without hearing from him.
I am 32 years old and hes 26. I am trying to build my life with someone that is ready, as I am ready to have kids. We havent even met in person for us to fully determine if we are compatible. He wont allow me to visit him because it's too dangerous because he lives in a bad neighborhood, he won't compromise for me to meet him halfway somewhere, and he wont come here because his family constantly needs him for whatever they say.
I believe I stay because of the amount of time I've spent on him. But being in love with him, I'm in love the person he was that made me fall in the first place. Not who he is now. His mother did pass away 2 years ago which has taken a toll on him, but I feel like we cant have a normal relationship. We dont do relationship things. All we do is sit on the phone. We have no deep conversations, and we just watch tv or I listen to him playing the game.
I forgot to mention that, yes we had our honeymoon stage but I felt like that was quickly over. For majority of our relationship, I was always begging him to spend time with me, show me attention, do things with me. He had got to busy to the point where he'd put me on hold multiple times for long periods of time each phone call, then hed have to leave the house. He's been the first to ever show me so little attention, so when I feel like I ask him to spend time with me, it makes me feel clingy or that I'm nagging. I have given him ultimatums, yelled at him multiple times, and we still constantly fight over this. That he barely pays me no mind. And when I'm dealing with something and I need comfort, I rarely get that because he has his own issues. He deals with so much in his life, I feel like relationship problems or my problems I cant express or bring up because I dont want to nag him or make him feel worse. In turn, this has made me out to be someone I am not to satisfy him. In a way, the relationship revolves around him, what he wants, and based off his time.
Since we recently got back together, everything still feels the same. Even today he asked me can we spend time together, I said yes of course but all day he was on his game, answering phone calls, and even hung up to go do something. Deep down, I knew he'd do this because it's a pattern. I already knew.
I'm honestly at the point where I dont care but it's hard for me to leave. I'm obviously not happy but why can I not leave.