Should I just delete him and move on?

[Katywilkes89]

I came out a very emotionally abusive relationship 10 months ago. I have two children. 3 months ago I started seeing a man i have knew for quite a few years, always had a thing for me but as I was in a relationship nothing was going to happen. He got in contact and we started speaking. We have been spending a lot of time together and we mutuality agreed to not see anyone else etc. Things were going great up until this past week where he has seemed very distant, not replying to texts for hours (despite being online). I text him a couple of days ago to ask if he wanted to meet up the following day to which he replied (4 hours later) that he couldn't. Havent spoken much since then and when we have its not much of a conversation. I haven't initiated any more conversations as I don't want to embarrass myself.

Should I just delete him?

Did this guy know both you and your Ex partner ?

I'm just concerned that this 'new' guy, already knows what kind of crappy behaviour you are prepared to 'put up with' ? So he's now decided that you're 'involved' enough for him to do as he pleases ?

He sounds like bad news generally tbh, and you already know that he's jumped at the chance to contact you as you're single, regardless of the fragile state you would be in because of the abusive previous relationship.

It sounds like he's yet another 'it's all about me' kind of a guy.

It sounds like he's yet another 'it's all about me' kind of a guy

100% this. He is seeing if you will put up with him ignoring you and then giving you a excuse. If he has issues then he has to deal with them himself as you are a new girlfriend not a therapist.

Good for you that you have recognised you need consistency and he can't provide it.

I don't know if ghosting is the best strategy but a message that "it's not working for you, wish him well" at least draws a line under it.

Well he messaged me again which I have also ignored. I myself at times don't want to speak to anyone but I think its common decency to not ignore but to explain the situation.

Obviously coming out of such a bad relationship means whilst I am vulnerable I also know exactly what I do and don't want from a man. I feel like he is a walking red flag, there has been a few instances the past few months where I've thought he was being dishonest but he usually reeled it back in enough before I would want NC.

I am relieved it has only been a few months so no proper feelings there.

Yep , the minute you back off , he's trying to reel you back in. Relationships are hard enough without game playing and if there's any doubt in your mind then you need to listen to yourself. Not taking heed of our inner voice is how we end up in bad relationships.

Im feeling quite lonely tonight... I have blocked him so I can't text him (i'm having a few glasses of wine tonight).

@Katywilkes89

He messaged me earlier to say he hasn't really been feeling quite himself recently and that's why he hasn't been talking as much.

Diddums- sorry OP but a mature adult who's serious about conducting a relationship doesn't do a disappearing act on you for no apparent reason and then come out with a lame excuse like that.

He either needs to take a man-up pill and engage in proper dialogue with you or you walk away and get on with other things.

Maybe it's an impression I get but you both seem to engage in more texting than other forms of communication , especially face to face, verbal, even if via Zoom or Skype. You can't run an effective relationship sending texts, where the investment? Very arms length and easy for him to do a disappearing act.

@Vapeyvapevape

'Not feeling quite himself' would be a red flag for me , I reckon he's testing you.

This! What he said smells of bull's crawn to me and I get a strong sense of game-playing. I reckon write him off as a waste of time and move on OP.

Well done for blocking him, and enjoy your glass of wine. A genuine person would not behave like this, so you really have done the right thing.

Men are not the best at texting I wouldn’t worry as long as he replied same day. My OH rarely texts during the day, not his thing.