Is a "good" relationship actually "good" or just "okay"?

[lalala22]

Do you think it's possible to "get used" to a relationship being a certain way and think it's "good" when it actually isn't particularly?

My husband is a good person but he doesn't really do much. I do the majority of the household jobs. I do all the cooking, he maybe cooks once a week. He always says he's happy to do things, I just need to ask but this irritates me because I just think, well I notice that things need doing so why don't you! If we're at home together I always sort out our son's meals/snacks etc. For a while, it felt like I did everything (childcare related) and that it was just that for some of it, there was someone else there with me... it still feels like that a bit. I had to suggest that we alternate between who does bath time and story/bedtime because otherwise I was doing both and then still having to cook dinner so felt like I was always rushing around (I only suggested this after a friend was surprised we didn't already do that, think I'd just thought it was normal!)

This is turning into a bit of a husband rant 😂 He doesn't do nothing but I guess it always feels a bit one sided to me. But because he's a decent man and doesn't abuse me or anything, am I automatically thinking he's a "good husband" when he's just "okay"? Hopefully someone understands what I'm meaning!

Why do you need the label of 'good' or 'okay'? A person can come to believe that shit is okay, that okay is shit, that good is shit, that excellent is okay etc etc, it doesn't really matter: what matters is, when something is making you feel unhappy/unsettled/irritated/anything at all in your relationship, can you discuss it with your partner, and have your feelings respected?

Essentially, are you and your partner happy, and invested in keeping your relationship that way?

He doesn’t sound that decent to me letting you do everything because he doesn’t notice it 🙄

I think a lot of people describe their relationship as good, and they know perfectly well that it isn’t.

@ThuMuClu

Or they certainly convince themselves it’s good. Often they have no benchmark to assess it against.

In a relationship there are two dimensions.
Practical and emotional. Maybe in different order, but since you focused on practical side, I’ll comment on that first.

There is a lot involved in running a house and caring for a child. The mental load of thinking about it does often fall on women, because it’s what we are used to, what we saw our mothers do. Changing that bit isn’t easy. However - I think if mental load as ‘management’. Someone needs to think about what needs to be done and how. And personally - I don’t mind doing that, if it also means I can then outsource and assign responsibility.
Your H sounds like he doesn’t actually mind doing his bit - if he is told it’s his turn/his responsibility, etc
So - why not manage it all better, so it reduces your resentment.
Why not sit down and communicate? Lay out in broad terms all the things that need doing - and discuss/agree on how to split it in a more equal way?
If you don’t talk - nothing will change. As he just doesn’t think the way you do, and he can’t read your mind.

The emotional side of the relationship is about love, support, closeness, intimacy, etc.

Both of the dimensions are needed for a good relationship. And I think good and OK are pretty similar.
I also think in general relationships are a constant work in progress. And ‘good’ on both dimensions counts for a lot.