Divorce grounds

[DazedandConfused3]

In absolute bits and need a bit of advice. My husband and I have been together 8 years, married 2. We have two children, the youngest is 3.
The relationship has been falling apart for the last two years. I’ve realised that other than the children, we just have nothing in common. He works away, which allows him to live the life of Riley, even when he is at home, he’s not! I feel like a single mum already.
I decided last year that I would get a divorce when the ‘no fault’ divorce comes through in April. I didn’t want it to become bitter and I don’t hate him, we’re just done.
December I found out that the Life of Riley includes multiple OW (he doesn’t know I know). I’ve snapped and told him that I want a divorce and would be going for unreasonable behaviour. Because of the affairs I want a divorce and I want it now but I really didn’t want to go for infidelity as I know he will deny it and I don’t want it to be more unpleasant than it needs to be.
Husband is acting all affronted regarding the grounds, though seems unbothered about the divorce itself. He is now saying that HE wants to file citing unreasonable behaviour.
What do I do?
Do I allow him to file first just to get this whole nightmare over?
Do I try to convince him to wait until April and we go for ‘no fault’
Do I tell him I know about the affairs and go ahead and file on infidelity?

I just don’t want to be married anymore, but I am well aware that with 2 dc, we are going to be in each other’s lives for at least the next 15 years

Sorry that should say married 5

It won't make any difference to the Financials, so if you want it done ASAP then just file for unreasonable behaviour. Don't bother with adultery unless you've got absolute proof - it sounds like he'll contest it.

The grounds aren't published anywhere or a matter of public record so it really doesn't matter.

If he files he pays.
He's in charge for a bit.
Once the nisi is approved he can apply for the absolute any time after 6 weeks. Whereas you have to wait til 18 weeks after.
It's galling but I wouldn't worry what it says (unless it impacts on your parenting skills/responsibility)
Girs your loins and save your battle spirit and £s for the financial consent order.

It's irrelevant who files but probably easier of you do it.

You don't have to prove adultery. You can just say you found those messages and thought his behaviour was unreasonable in a marriage. As Pp have said it makes fuck all difference to any financial or child access outcomes.

I would prefer to have control so I would probably file as quickly as I could. Get thee to a family lawyer and talk through your options.

Hello you can’t use adultery as an example of unreasonable behaviour. You can process the divorce online through the government gateway. You don’t need a solicitor to process the actual divorce. But legal advice will be helpful on the finances. This guide may help you
www.mediateuk.co.uk/ultimate-guide-to-the-no-fault-divorce-law/
Best of luck with it all.

File now on unreasonable behaviour. Saying you suspect adultery and why is enough. You can also cite his living away from home and feeling like a single mum, with no intention on his part to change that. You can do it in the next hour on the government gateway if you like. As part of your application, you can ask the court to order him to pay the filing fee. Fwiw, I did all the filing myself and saved £100s in solicitor fees. It's dead simple.

It puts you in control then. It also gives you a couple of days internet research to decide if you feel mediation is how you need to proceed to resolve the financials and child care, or if you'll be able to come to an agreement between yourselves.

All the best with your journey. It's hard, but the end goal is worth it.

Agree with the others file yourself, as quickly as possible, on unreasonable behaviour. The person who files for divorce controls the timetable.

It's possible that he might just say he's going to file for divorce and then not file, but stall and delay - it's quite a common tactic.