Crazy in love but don't feel like he is

[FemaleLady]

At this moment, I am debating weather I should ask him if we are over or not. We have been together for 5years now. We have a 7 month old baby girl. Things started going sour when I was 5 months pregnant. He just changed. He did not support me at all, yes he called everyday (we do not live together but he lives 15 mins away) even if I got sick he would not come and visit me at all. Stoped goin to gyno app with me. Even to buy baby clothes he did not come. He chose to hang out with his friends. When I was 8 months he started visiting me on a weekly basis till I gave birth. I told him I was not happy and he apologised but pain never went away. After I gave birth we still talked every day but we had a lot of fights. Recently, 4 days ago we got into an argument. After the argument we both kepy quiet. Since then we haven't talked. It's the longest we have gone without talking. Should I ask him if we are over or I should just sit back and watch... He was wrong and he caused the argument. But he is acting like I did wrong

Why is it his decision? If you're unhappy, which is understandable, you can end it. Don't feel you have to be grateful for the crumbs he throws your way occasionally. Take control. 💐

Exactly what is it about this prince among men that makes you 'crazy in love' and what do you think you're going to be teaching your child about families when they're older?

I don’t think I could be arsed hanging around for a fine specimen who chose to go distant when I was 5 months pregnant.

He is bringing no joy or advantage to your life.

And as you don’t have him in your life anyway (fighting and a call when he feels like it don’t count) then you are best off searching for happiness elsewhere.

People in your life are meant to enhance your life.

He really doesn’t.

What does he do for you? Is he kind, caring, romantic? Does he spend lots of time with you and your baby? Any particular reason you still don't live together? Frankly the way he treated you when pregnant is disgusting and would be hard to look past for me

I was soo focused in making sure my baby girl grows up with us. I have never wanted to raise her while we broken up. I lost focus in looking out for myself and serring an example for her. Thank you for making me see that.

@MermaidEyes I am currently unemployed. I lost my job when I was 4 months pregnant. He got his right about the same time, so he took over for us financially. We have never lived together. He makes me laugh, he's kind, always apologies when he is wrong. He calls from the time he wakes up till he goes to sleep. We can spend hours talkn about nothing sometimes, makes me feel like the weight of my problems are no that heavy. Then again he fucks up a lot. Hasn't cheated or anything. Just not steping up in terms of being a father. He still values having friends more then spending time with us. We fight a lot over that.

He is not kind.

Apologies are cheap when not backed up with actions.

Shite father.

Aye that would make me laugh too.

You deserve better.

He calls but won’t spend time with you.

I think it’s pretty clear that he isn’t committed to you. You’ve been together five years, have a baby, and you still don’t live together? Was this not something you discussed when you bed and pregnant? Doesn’t the fact that it wasn’t tell you that he’s not interested in being a family?

I think you need to write this one off and move on as a single parent. You’d daughter’s home won’t be any more “broken” than it already is, it was never “whole” in the first place.

He is not kind ??
He did not care when you were sick
He did not care about your medical appointments
Does he care for his daughter on his own girl when he is not working ?
How do you know he is not cheating ?
Why does he call you alWhy do you not live together how does he do nights with the baby ??l day? Why not come round and parent / cook / clean for his daughter?

He would rather be with his friends than you ? That says it all.
Move on

Calling from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep is lovely for a new relationship, but not after 5 years with a baby together. He should be spending that time with you, in the same house. How often do you and your daughter actually see him? He sounds extremely immature, and if becoming a father hasn't changed that then I doubt he ever will. Presumably his friends are single?

OP - I think you think you are in a relationship and raising the baby as a unit.
But for him - this is a part time arrangement.

He does his bit financially supporting you - great. But he isn’t committed to you.
And I’d not be surprised if he had another parallel relationship or a few. Possibly even more casual than yours.

Parents that are raising a child together and are in a relationship - live together, not 15 min apart. And see each other daily, not weekly.

So - in your place - I’d focus on the baby right now. You don’t have a job, he pays the bills. For now - you rely on him.
But mentally - I’ll start separating from him and planning how you will support yourself and your baby. He may still be helping out financially - let’s hope. But I don’t see him wanting to give up his single life for domesticity with you.
If he hasn’t done it by now - no reason to do it later.
And - if you call it for what it is and stop providing occasional ‘girlfriend experience’ - he may stop coming around and supporting you. So - before that happens - you need to prepare.

Why weren't you living together?

He still values having friends more then spending time with us

Why stay with someone who doesn't prioritise you and your child?

OP rather than agonising over him and why he does or doesn't do XYZ, you should be looking at yourself and trying to work out why your standards are so abysmally low that you would tolerate this pathetic excuse for a relationship.

You are in a relationship and have a little baby together, but you don't live together and are not married. I have heard of a lot of men doing this lately - especially younger men.

It probably suits your "boyfriend" fine as if needed, the State will pay all your benefits as a single mother living with your baby, and he would get to spend his money how he wants, and do what he wants when he wants without reference to you.
He doesn't sound into being a father or a partner or a husband- just a boyfriend when he feels like being.
I wish you good luck. His reaction to your pregnancy does not make him good husband or father material in the future. You need to prepare to be independent of him. Housing, job, training - whatever you need to do to be financially independent and free.

Sorry to say but he clearly isn't crazy in love with you at all. You deserve so much better

Is he paying all your bills? you said he took over for us financially

or are you on benefits and he's just contributing?

@user1481840227

Sorry to say but he clearly isn't crazy in love with you at all. You deserve so much better

Is he paying all your bills? you said he took over for us financially

or are you on benefits and he's just contributing?

Of-course she is living separately and she will be on benefits as she is unemployed, while he gets to be the Prince handing over money for treats - this is the epitome of being a "kept" woman. So much for feminism!

What you should do is dump him. He's no support. He's selfish. Not trying. Not stepping up. But I understand you have feelings for him and its incredibly hard to argue with yourself when you have all these different emotions.

Actions speak louder than words. He's also being a rubbish dad.

You need to clear your head and figure out what you want and expect from a relationship. I don't know how old you both are. But he sounds extremely immature and childish.

He isn’t. He’s not committed to you or your DD. Why aren’t you living together after five years and a baby?

He wants to live the single life. He’s a shit dad and a shit partner.