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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When they always put you down

6 replies

Sunseasand2021 · 26/01/2022 15:01

What does it mean when someone always puts you down..
when they start off with finding one fault then feel it's perfectly ok to continue and rant with a whole list of faults to the point you're visibly upset and low but they don't stop.

What do they gain from it. Why can't they see that it's hurtful to bring someone down with so much negativity. Why can't they feel guilt or remorse over doing that to someone...

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/01/2022 15:06

The why doesn't matter. The issue is why would the person being abused stay with a person like that. That's the real problem.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/01/2022 15:09

It's a power trip. And they have to up their game frequently to get the same kick out of it. It escalates and leaves the victim a self doubting shell. 💐

Wolfiefan · 26/01/2022 15:12

It doesn’t matter why.
What matters is you get far away from them.

TheFoundation · 26/01/2022 15:33

Because it makes them feel like they've won a petty little war that their opponent thought was a loving relationship.

Is your partner doing this to you, @Sunseasand2021?

What you're asking is a bit like 'Why is my house on fire?', whilst choosing to stay in. It doesn't really matter why... run!!

Bananalanacake · 26/01/2022 16:39

I had a friend do this to me, I told her "you forgot to say I'm fat"
Then I pointed and laughed at her confused face.

Orgasmagorical · 26/01/2022 18:01

What does it mean when someone always puts you down..

It means they don't value or like you very much.

when they start off with finding one fault then feel it's perfectly ok to continue and rant with a whole list of faults to the point you're visibly upset and low but they don't stop.

They probably consider you have offended them in some way and they want to get you back. Extra points to them if you cry.

What do they gain from it.

As others have said they get some kind of power trip, they think they're making themselves feel better by making you feel worse.

Why can't they see that it's hurtful to bring someone down with so much negativity.

They can see it just fine.

Why can't they feel guilt or remorse over doing that to someone...

Some people are just shit and incapable of normal feelings and emotions.

Would you like to talk about it, Sunseasand? Is it happening a lot?

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