Hello!
I'm hoping for some relationship/newborn/new parent advice!
We had our 2nd daughter 6 weeks ago and since then my husband has been... less than helpful. He essentially ignores our new babys existence. But is really hands on with our first born - at least now he is as he did the same with her when she was born.
We spoke about it when DD1 was a few weeks old and he said he didn't like the newborn stage because they can't communicate. I gave up the fight with that as I was an exhausted new mum who had given birth for the first time a week before lockdown so his dramatics weren't welcome (sounds harsh I know!)
But the same is happening again. He won't bond with her, claims she only needs me etc.
Both girls have CMPA so while we figure out the best feeding plan for DD2 she gets a sore tummy or constipated and of course cries. But we seem to have the correct formula as she is so settled and content in the day
But this is where the issue lies. My husband has a middle ear deafness and is sensitive to noise, but can't hear very well. He had it diagnosed at a hearing test but hasnt done anything about fixing it or dealing with the issues. DD2 has been crying uncontrollably for basically her whole life from the moment my husband comes home until I take her to bed. He thinks the DF formula isn't working, I think she's over stimulated because it's so bloody loud. Despite having a chatterbox 2 year old the house is much quieter in the day. The TV volume is at 10, I don't like loud noise and speak softly so she is used to a quieter environment. But when he comes home the TV is up at 30, he talks really loud on the phone, his phone is non stop ringing and pinging so it gets too much for her. So she cries and cries and cries then shes sick. But he won't sooth her, that's up to me. As soon as I take her to bed where its dark, peaceful and quiet she stops almost instantly and sleeps well so I know its not the milk.
My question really is what on earth do I do?!
I cant take her to bed at 6pm when hes home because its not practical. she's so young she can't be left in the room alone either. Plus I still have my toddler to see to for bedtime. As much as I'd love to go to bed at 6pm it would just spark another argument that we don't spend time together.
But how can I put all this to him with causing upset because his deafness is a medical issue. Has he to watch the TV and not be able to hear it so the baby doesn't cry. Or would I be being reasonable to ask him to keep noise levels low even if that impairs him - which I know he wouldn't agree to seeing as he he doesnt appear to like the baby!
I appreciate this is very long and confusing but its really getting me down that he is causing her crying but getting annoyed at her crying! Were expected to understand his hearing issue but he won't entertain the idea that it affects us all.