Tired of constant judging

[Sitchervice]

My relationship with my mother can be a little up and down. Most of the time we are good, but sometimes our arguments can be explosive. Ive tried to stop arguments by just taking on the chin what she says and tried to change things for when I see her.

However I'm getting tired of doing this. Whenever I see her she judges my home and what I am wearing. My home isn't clean enough or neat and tidy. My clothes are old (I often can't afford to go buy brand new clothes) or un scruffy looking.

My husband is getting very irritated and has tried to tell her to leave me alone. To which she says he is defending me and that it's stupid because he dosnt need to.

And like I said when I do stand up for my self she explodes, massive arguments to which she says I'm jealous of my sister (often for no reason) and that she's just trying to help and is now made to look like the bad guy. I ALWAYS have to apologise to her for upsetting her and my Dad says I should, if I talk to him, because it keeps the peace.

I'm at my wits end, how can I stop this? Should I just continue?
I've tried not to drip feed and give it all. I'll add more details if I remember them.

So you are not allowed to defend yourself. You must respect her right to hurt you and judge you?

I dont know what the answer is but my mother is also too defensive to receive any small amount of feedback.

My Dad is also my mum's foot s9ldier too.

You cant get through. I wouldnt try but i would back away. No manifestos. Its so pointless. Just fade away. Small talk.

Im glad your husband defends you. Im single and i wonder sometimes would my mum and dad have continued to expect the same superiority/ compliance relationship if I had somebody in my corner.

Go low contact as much as possible.

You get one life, why waste yours around someone who only thrives by being a total arsehole to you?

Why does she get a pass for terrible behaviour?

@HairyFanjoBanjo it's so hard to explain what would happen in an argument, but shed ware you down make you feel like you just want to stop the argument to keep the peace.

After she'd act all huffy or the do the 'im better than you' act and look down at you. I'll try to keep low contact.