Hi everyone,
I recently found out that my partner of nearly 15 years and mother of our young daughter has been having an affair. Who I was sadly still very much in love with. I'm very lost at present and just talking each day as it comes, but I'm relatively high functioning under stress and anxiety and able to put on a brave face.
I left her once I found out and have over the last month been constantly wondering how this happened (I didn't see it coming at all) and has knocked me for six.
The last 12 months of our relationship weren't the same as the preceeding 14 years that I accept. 2nd lockdown was tough, lack of intimacy between us crept in but relationship was never toxic or bad. We have always had laughter, common interests, but equally individual pursuits. I was never controlling, abusive or unloving and always supportive, kind and generous.
Since lockdown lifted in 2021 my partner started frequently going out with friends more etc (which I would have very much liked to have been by her side instead) but wanted to give her the freedom to do her own thing; In my head it was 'I love you so much I will sacrifice my own pleasure' so she could have hers, especially after the restrictions of the 2nd lockdown. I was also chief babysitter during these frequent jaunts.....................Yes, since then I've realised this was the affair taking shape but not at the time and not until around Xmas (trust and fidelity are a core value of mine, which she knew, therefore I never contemplated this would ever been the cause of our relationship to end). Gosh the lies that this took, messaging and calling me whilst on weekends away with him. Discussing the meals and activities that they had undertaken, under the cover of being with her female mates. Showing me videos and sending me pictures of places visited.
I broke down in tears in the autumn due to noticing the change in our bond and opened up that my heart was breaking, due to fear of loosing her and after an unusually nasty argument and wanting to fight to regain the relationship we once knew.
We seemed to move forward, but alas it was too late the affair had continued, grown and I found out about the affair. My biggest regret is that I enabled her taking advantage of me, keeping me at home with our daughter. Secondly I just cannot fathom why after 14 wonderfully happy years and 1 tough one she just jumped ship without even talking about any problems she may have had within our relationship to try to rectify them. That one hurts the deepest! As she has continued the relationship with her affair partner since the split, its clear where her priorities now sit and the relationship clearly didn't mean enough to want to save it.
I suppose I'm just looking for other peoples opinion on the situation I find myself in. If anyone has encountered similar and how did you/they move forward?