Marathon runners of Mumsnet: would you date someone who didn't share a similar drive?

[Pondervision]

Just curious really. So many people seem to be into endurance sports these days and it obviously requires a certain drive to compete in regular marathons, triathlons, etc. So, would those of you who do need someone similar as a partner - e.g. they'd understand, share the interest or just be unnattractive if they weren't as dynamic in some way (e.g. maybe if they cycled it'd be fine, but not if they were, for example, obsessed with painting instead)?

I run marathons and my DH is the least athletic person I know. He is driven is ways other than physical exertion so it works well in terms of personality I think.

I've run a marathon and trained for another (injury), it was awful as I'm not a runner. But my dh was 100% supportive, as was I when he did one.

I think if either of us were fanatical about something that the other wasn't into that there would be problems, be that in running, painting, trainspotting or competitive lego tower building.

My DH runs and i never have. It's not an issue at all.

I think so long as the other partner is supportive of the hobby / passion (for eg the hours involved in marathon training) it doesn’t matter if those specific interests aren’t shared

I have done two marathons and countless halfs. DP beats me every time on university challenge. We both respect each others strengths and interests. Not for a moment do we feel superior / inferior.

I think it would help to both have a hobby that involved similar hours of commitment and a similar level of interest. I've seen lots of threads on here where people are resentful of their spouse's hobby once children come into the equation. One spouse feels lumbered with childcare and like they get no quality family time, the other gets annoyed that their spouse can't understand why the hobby is so important to them.

It's weird that you only associate running marathons or other endurance sports as requiring drive. People are driven by all sorts of passions and interests and I think this mindset smacks of elitism and snobbery.

DH runs a couple of marathons each month, I am not at all interested in running, it's fine. I would be more bothered if he didn't do something like this and was pacing the house.

My BIL runs marathons and my SIL is the least likeliest person to ever even go jogging. They've been together over 30 years. It works for them!

I run marathons and am glad my husband has no interest- it would be a logistical headache with kids and family time. As it is I’m a morning person so do my long runs early and am back by breakfast. It would annoy me if he then had to go out and as a family nothing ever happened until after lunch

I'm in a running club and so is dh. I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't into fitness. Fitness is a huge part of my life. I don't find people that do no exercise attractive.

If there's one thing I've learned from mumsnet parking threads, it's that a shared drive is never a good thing.

I run or cycle every day. My husband does no exercise at all.

He's supportive and will watch me race if I ask him to. Never moans when I'm out for hours etc

I run. I don't think I'd be that interested in someone who was really unfit or wasn't at all interested in doing outdoorsy things together, because that's a big interest of mine. But it wouldn't have to be running, or competitive sport. More just being out & about and being fit enough to enjoy a good walk.

Dunno though. Maybe if I really fancied them I'd make an exception

No. I'm not into sport but my DF was a marathon runner.

Never in a million years would i have married someone who was so obsessed. You have to be quite selfish i think.

Bravo, @nocoolnamesleft bravo!

@nocoolnamesleft

If there's one thing I've learned from mumsnet parking threads, it's that a shared drive is never a good thing.

You win the internet, or at least Mumsnet, for today. 😁

When we were both training for marathon, it was awful! Whole days taken up with running for hours on end. First him, then me. Far better if only one of you does it so not all weekends are ruined

I do running for fun and my husband is super obsessed. We approach it really differently. Who is the most driven in this scenario? The faster one (me) or the more commuted one (him)?

I think there has to be a shared interest - doesn't have to be running (it could be anything) but without something in common that you enjoy doing together, I think couples with struggle. It isn't just about the running, its talking about it, understanding what you've achieved etc.

I like Minstrels but my partner doesn't. I eat meat but my partner is vegetarian. I run marathons and my partner doesn't.

Who cares? We love each other. It would be odd to focus on one thing in that way.

I don't get the conflation of marathon running and drive. You can be driven about anything.

I like being with someone who has interests, and cares about their health. But I think I'd find a super keen marathon runner a bit tedious, to be honest.

When we got together my DH was more committed to fitness than me. He would encourage me to do more /improve and we worked out and ran together altho he was naturally faster. I loved those days.
When training for separate marathons I got injured and couldn't run for a month. And he seem to completely lose his mojo once he didn't have a training partner. Now I am the faster fitter one and he occasionally does something. I really miss running and working out together, altho I can still chat stats with him, discuss routes etc - I think it would be hard with someone with no interest in it at all.

I also don't understand the connection you're making between marathon running and drive. 'Drive' manifests in many ways. Someone being a non-runner doesn't mean they don't have drive.

(And BTW, to ensurance runners, a marathon runner isn't a long distance runner - does that mean you don't have much drive? - it's all relative!)

And no, you don't have to share the same hobby as your DP. In fact I'd argue that it's healthy to have different interests.

Marathons are tricky because of the training time required. I run a lot but, as things stand, feel it would be a bit unfair on my husband to do a marathon as I would need to dedicate even more time to training -- some of which I can fit in without impacting him but the long runs are tricky to do. I'd like to do a marathon at some point but would need to work out a way to minimise the impact, maybe doing compressed hours so I could take a half day on a weekday to run. Having a partner who takes care of himself physically, and does interesting things we can talk about, is important but it isn't always necessary or even beneficial to have the same hobby.

I do marathon and ultra running and with the exception of my current partner have never so much as gone on a date with a runner! As long as they are aware it’s important to me.
I can’t deal with people with no interests though. Dated a guy for about a year who didn’t do any exercise really, but was into other things and had interests/passions