I won't go into the reasons why my marriage broke down but through therapy I can see it was emotionally abuse and coercive control. Well at least I think I can see it. My therapist also says he sounds like a narcissist which I am not 100% on. I do still have some sort of attachment/love towards my husband unfortunately but I have been working towards my own needs and starting to think of my own boundaries.
And then he comes and ruins it. But I don't know if he means it.
So H has apologised for his behaviour towards me. He realises it was unacceptable. He blames work for the reason he made me feel unloved. He says he will not let that happen again and while I've been gone, he has realised how to leave work at work.
I have told him exactly how he made me feel, how I felt I had to tip toe around him and that he was emotionally abusive. He will not agree he was emotionally abusive but says he can see why he came across as controlling. He will continue to work on this in therapy. He's has approx 5 sessions so far.
He is 100% sure he can change, he will never let us get back to the place we were at again. He will help with the dcs, he will help with the house work. He will be the husband I need and the father the dcs need.
He has let me shout and scream at him while telling him everything he's done and hasn't got angry. He says he deserves it all.
I have said he hasn't been in therapy long enough yet and he needs to stick it out to see a change. He isn't asking me to come home, he said he would like some sort if inclination that we can try when the time is right.
What he hasn't done is sorted the bills as I removed my name off them and he has a pile of letters and things he needs to pay - he is clueless but if he sorted them himself it would show he is capable of doing things without me.
He also hasn't really asked how the dcs are coping. It's mainly how he is doing and how he feels. He does talk about himself a lot.
He also blames work for a lot of it like I said. It's not directly him. His behaviour after I left was terrible but that was blamed on a mental breakdown he has because I left. Again the blame wasn't on him - it was a breakdown.
Another reason he says is the reason for him treating me how he did is to do with a suicide in his family from 13 years ago. He didn't grieve for that and continued his life normal and never took time to deal with it. This is what his therapist says is a reason for his behaviour.
He has mentioned him meeting someone else - as a way to get over our marriage and that he feels if I don't give him an inclination that we can try resolve things then he will have to try meet other people as a way to get over me. Is this manipulation?
He has a habit of taking about things in front of the dcs. I am very conscious that they don't hear anything but he doesn't seem to have learnt and continues to try being up the subject in front of them.
He isn't going to change is he? It's just the fact I have been trying to get him in therapy for years and now I've left, he finally has.
I also wondered if I could contact his therapist. I know he won't be able to tell me anything as it's all confidential which I completely get but maybe I could get some idea of what to do.
I think what I'm worried about is he will change for another woman and I'll be feeling like I'm the one that's made a mistake