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Relationships

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Original poster

If unmarried how do you split finances?

31 replies

HeyShweetie · 23/01/2022 20:12

Hello all,

I'm moving in with my boyfriend in a few months and wanted to find out how do you split the finances if you're not married?

My boyfriend and I both own our homes. I'm moving to his house and will be renting my flat to a family member for a year. If all goes well the plan is I'll sell my flat and put away the money until we're married and looking to buy somewhere together (or I can use it to buy another flat if things go tits up).

My boyfriend and I earn similar amounts, him slightly more than me. I had assumed we would keep separate finances and I would just transfer what I owe him for the bills each month. But last night my boyfriend brought up the subject and suggested we open a joint account for the wages to be paid into that all the bills will be paid out of and then whatever is left we split down the middle for spending money or if we have individual savings etc.

I think it sounds fair but just wanted to get some opinions on it. Is there anything I need to consider?

OP posts:

PlanetNormal · 23/01/2022 20:24

We both have our own current accounts into which our salaries are paid every month. We also have a joint account into which we both pay £X hunderd per month. We earn similar salaries so we each pay in the same. The mortgage and all household bills are paid out of this account, which is set up to to run a surplus to pay for unscheduled expenses, eg the dishwasher dying. We take turns to buy the groceries. We each pay for our own cars, phones, subscriptions etc.

The rest of our salaries are our own to do whatever we want with. DP has a ridiculously expensive hobby, I like travelling. We never argue about money because there is nothing to argue about.

BertiesShoes · 23/01/2022 20:28

When you say bills, do you include his mortgage in that? You shouldn’t be paying any part of the mortgage unless he is putting your name on the deeds!

Thus I would suggest you stay with separate accounts and you transfer him half of bills (exc mortgage), or have a separate joint account that bills come out of and you move money into (again, exc mortgage)

BertiesShoes · 23/01/2022 20:30

If you want to pay more than just basic bills, maybe make a rental type payment, but certainly not as much as the mortgage!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/01/2022 20:34

I would seriously consider setting up a cohabitation agreement at a solicitor’s office before you both move in together. This will make things somewhat easier in the event that you separate.

Do not pay anything towards his actual mortgage unless you are also added to this document.

I would also ensure in advance that your rental agreement with your family relative is watertight as well.

TinyW · 23/01/2022 20:38

What he suggests sounds good when you are married but not before unless the mortgage is relatively small. Half the bills, half the food and a rent type payment sounds ok.

AnImposter · 23/01/2022 20:40

Added up the joint bills, and he sends me half every month.. we each keep our own wages left over to pay for our own phones, fuel etc. but we earn quite similarly. If it was 70/30 wages I'd expect bill split 70/30 too.

Abbo552 · 23/01/2022 21:14

I think either could work, but you should certainly be paying rent of some sort and half the bills

Maighnuad · 23/01/2022 21:18

Agree with @Animposter

SomewhereOnlyIKnow · 23/01/2022 21:22

No, no, no. Keep your wages being paid into your own account.
If you want you can have a joint account to pay your share into, but you MUST make sure there is no overdraft or loan available on that account.

PrincessPaws · 23/01/2022 21:26

Keep your own accounts, decide how much you need to cover rent/mortgage/bills/food/living expenses/pet expense/kid expenses, split those proportionally and each pay their respective amount into the joint account. Everything else remains yours

VodselForDinner · 23/01/2022 21:30

I’d never have a joint account with someone I wasn’t married to.

Original poster

HeyShweetie · 23/01/2022 22:55

Thanks for all the responses! I'm trying to gain as much knowledge as possible as this will be my first time living with anyone other than my parents and sibling. Same for him.

So the mortgage thing I had thought about as well and can understand those saying don't pay anything to the mortgage. But surely I'd need to pay some sort of rent for living in the house and I can't dictate that he doesn't use that contribution to pay his mortgage? After I've paid that contribution it's his to do what he wants with, no? Also, I'm unsure if it makes any difference but his monthly mortgage payment is far less than it would be to rent a house on his street.

@AttilaTheMeerkat What kind of thing would a cohabitation agreement cover?

Some extra info I probably should have added in the OP: We're 28, we've been together for two years, neither of us have children, we both want to get married if things are still good after a year or so of living together. His salary is only a few hundred more than mine just now but his will go up over the next few years while I'm at the top of my pay scale.

OP posts:

Kazplus2 · 23/01/2022 23:02

Separate current accounts with an equal % of our salary transferred into our joint acct each month. Has worked for many years.

random9876 · 23/01/2022 23:05

How much would you pay for rent as your half if you were renting a flat together in the area? I think that would be fair enough to pay - presuming you like the place. I suppose I’d want to feel that if you split after a year (hopefully and probably not) that this arrangement was just fair on you both.

Pky45 · 23/01/2022 23:20

Yes, of course you need to pay rent, those who say no are just being daft, you should probably by paying about 50% I would think, as I assume you will getting enough money to cover your mortgage from renting out your place, or else you will just be a female cocklodger (fannylodger,? )

dane8 · 23/01/2022 23:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ElinorOliphant · 23/01/2022 23:33

We have separate finances and no joint bank account.

The house is in my name,DP gives me an amount every month.

We both contribute to the upkeep of the house/buying furniture etc.

We have 2 kids and in my Will he is able to stay in the house (or sell it and move) until he dies when the kids will inherit it.
In the unlikely event that we married I’d put him on the Deeds.

My advice would be to not sell your flat and rent it long term if your relationship continues to flourish.

D0lphine · 23/01/2022 23:39

I wouldn't have salaries paid into one joint account. That's a good set up when you're married but not before.

I'd pay him half the bills, food and upkeep costs.

He might want you to pay towards the mortgage, however if you do that you will get an equitable right over his property which he might not want.

Honestly? I'd go to a solicitor and get a cohabitation agreement set up.

coodawoodashooda · 23/01/2022 23:41

@AttilaTheMeerkat

I would seriously consider setting up a cohabitation agreement at a solicitor’s office before you both move in together. This will make things somewhat easier in the event that you separate.

Do not pay anything towards his actual mortgage unless you are also added to this document.

I would also ensure in advance that your rental agreement with your family relative is watertight as well.

This. This. This. Absolutely definitely do not give him loads of money and leave yourself vulnerable.

RantyAunty · 24/01/2022 00:00

I agree with a cohabitation agreement.

Have you sorted out the division of household chores, cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc.?

LemonTT · 24/01/2022 00:34

@Pky45

Well precisely. Not unless she was ok with her relative not paying her mortgage by means of rent.

You should open a joint account and deposit equal amounts to cover your joint living costs. Sit down and work out what that will be be and review regularly to stay on the same page.

You might need to work out how you manage any additional costs associated with renting out your flat. There are tax implications including possible capital gains to pay.

myhousebuild · 24/01/2022 00:38

I've been married 10years and we don't do that...it's about from me.

Original poster

HeyShweetie · 24/01/2022 17:55

Thanks again for all your opinions.

@random9876 If I were to pay half of his monthly mortgage bill it will be cheaper than if I were paying 50% rent on a house on that street. It's a lovely house and area and I'd be happy to live there.

I'll be much better off per month living at his and splitting everything including the mortgage bill straight down the middle. My flat is in a big city while his house is in a town outside that city so you get far more bang for your buck. And obviously my flat will be covered by the rent paid by my family member.

Am I right in thinking I shouldn't be paying towards upkeep of the house (eg renovations etc) while I have no claim on it? Also he has never asked me to pay any upkeep and don't think he will but I just want to know what is acceptable and what isn't before I go ahead with moving.

@ElinorOliphant To be honest I really don't want to hang onto my flat to rent long term. I've no interest in being a landlord. Everything is watertight in regards to renting to my family member but I'm really only renting it to them as it works for me as it allows me to keep my flat as a back up for a while and as a favour to them. However, if it's wise I would hang onto my flat and rent it out until we are married.

While we're not married I don't want any claim on his house. I'm moving in on the assumption we both want to get married in the next couple of years and if that wasn't forthcoming I would leave and live in my flat or buy a new one.

If in the year my family member is renting and things go tits up, I would move back in with my parents until my family member moves out. My parents have agreed to this, so there's no scenario in which I'll end up homeless.

After reading all your posts I agree that it would be more sensible to have separate accounts and I will pay him what I owe each month.

Is there any issue I'm forgetting or does that all make good sense?

OP posts:

Pky45 · 24/01/2022 18:25

Personally I would say No to renovations, if the house needs a new kitchen or whatever, that’s for the owner to pay for not you, you need to think of yourself as a renter. Where it gets a bit more tricky is you want to do something for your own benefit, say if you wanted to convert for your own use / hobby etc, you want to pay for that

gogohm · 24/01/2022 18:37

We had a joint account we contributed equal amounts to that covered bills, groceries and typical monthly expenditure (eg meals out) plus a bit more to save for holidays. Wages went into individual accounts and our cars, petrol etc came out that. Once dd was born we closed the individual current accounts but I kept savings accounts as I was a lower rate tax payer.

With dp we just have separate accounts, no need for joint, we pay different bills. He pays the mortgage as he earns 8x me. I disagree with some people of course you should contribute something for rent, I certainly did

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