Long long story.
In July DW of 3 years says she is unhappy, I have not been same since mother was terminally ill then died. Also said before this I had been unkind & unreasonable in behaviour towards her. Wanted to break up.
Shock of this shook me to get bereavement counselling then weekly counselling to address mental health difficulties which I had become aware of (anxiety, stress etc). Upon reflection I saw relationship had not been good for me either & I needed to be more upfront about wants/needs, we needed to improve communication. Went joint counselling for a few weeks, I felt this helped, she didn’t.
Spent summer working on myself, giving her space required & alternating time with DS (toddler). Twice told me she wanted divorce, then changed her mind, declared in mid autumn that she wanted relationship to work & we began spending time as family, the longer this went on the more it become clear that I had changed (feeling well & happy) but she was not “meeting half way” with her own efforts.
Shortly after Christmas I find out she had been seeing someone else we both know since the summer - wasn’t intentional etc etc and had stopped for short period but then restarted. Not much physical but lying about where she was going to meet her etc. this week found out she has said she loves her & wants to be with her. We are still living in family home & due to circumstances will probably need to for around a year.
How on earth do I cope with this? I have asked her to delay getting into new relationship until we are not under same roof but she has refused - sees no reason to.