Need to tell BF what needs doing around the house, all the time.

[DonkeyDobbler69]

My BF 27 moved into my house 2 years ago and hasn't ever lived on his own. He didn't go to university so he's never lived away from home. His mother remarried and he has never got along with his stepfather and never felt comfortable whilst living at his parent's house.
When he moved into my house I expected some teething problems and that I would need to help him get used to where things lived. This hasn't ever really stopped. All the bills are in my name and I just assumed the role of taking care of the bills because it was something that I had already done for 6 years on my own so I carried on. But around the house, he needs to be told everything and where everything goes. He has been living at my house for 2 years now and still needs to be told where the pans live and that the bedroom needs tidying. He first asked me to tell him what needs doing and he will do it and to start with I was okay with that because it was a new environment. However, if I ask him to do things now he will leave it to the last possible moment before going to bed or argue with me about it till it looks like he is doing me a favour.
I love him so dearly and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else but the laziness is starting to get to me. I can’t live with what is essentially a teenager having a tantrum every time I try to get things done around the house.
It's also me who initiates conversations about money and budgeting; it's me who thinks of the shopping list at the end of the week about what we need. It feels like the mental load is becoming too much and I refuse to mother a 27-year-old who should be able to use his eyes and see what needs to be done. Although if I know BF at all he will say sorry and nothing will be done, same as usual.
I suppose I’m stuck, our relationship is amazing. We love each other like no two people could, it feels but the domestic side is just totally one-sided and it feels like I'm mothering him because I have no choice. I worked 12 days out of 14 a few weeks ago and consequently, the house was a total mess because I wasn't home to clean it and his lordship needs to be told what to do like a child.

Any advice?

My 16 yo ds does more than your dp without being prompted.

This needs to get better soon otherwise if you're planning to have children, it will get worse.

I think there could be two issues here - either he thinks that these things are a woman's tasks (but doesn't have the cheek to come right out and say it), or he's just more laid back or lazier than you are.

What if the shopping list was purely his task? He will probably make a few mistakes as first but at least he'll know what he's supposed to be doing every week. Mind you, he might be one of those people who would regularly run out of food, even if they lived by themselves, and would end up ordering a take-away or just eating packet noodles to get by until the next shopping trip.

All the bills are in my name and I just assumed the role of taking care of the bills because it was something that I had already done for 6 years on my own so I carried on

Why don't you have a small joint account where the bills come out of there, or he has some of the bills in his name? If you can't trust him with that kind of task then I'm not sure how you can have a future with him really
.
How do you define 'a total mess', by the way? Bins overflowing? Toile not cleaned? Food and scraps on the kitchen floor? Just wondering how big there difference is between you. Some people can't stand any type of crumb on a table top, have to have a pristine kitchen, are hoovering and dusting all the time, all magazines have to be put away perfectly and the cushion covers need to be plumped up just so.

Is he working if he's at home all day?

Urg. Please leave this cocklodging manchild.
It sounds horrendous.