Cutting my nose off to spite my face?

[scaredsadandstuck]

About 2 weeks ago DH and I agreed we had to get some counselling together and if we didn't it would be the end of the relationship. I even went as far as saying I wasn't sure of therapy would be enough to fix it but I was willing to try. I said I wanted him to sort it out. While we didn't discuss explicitly why, I think we both understand the reasons I said it (he does very little mental load stuff, he very much wants to save the marriage, he's done some shitty things in the past that have massively contributed to current situation).

He tried to draw me into helping him sort it, saying he wasn't sure how to find someone, who to choose etc, but I really want him to do this one thing.

So far he's found 2 possible people. One could only see us at times we couldn't do and the other "might" be able to see us starting some time in March.

I know I could probably get it sorted very quickly. Should I just do it or do I stand firm?

Definitely stand firm.
I say this as a counsellor.

Stand firm. He had one job. It either matters to him to do it right or it doesn’t. And he knows how important it is.

I asked my husband to sort marriage counselling. He said we didn't need it.
We got divorced almost 9 years ago.

To be fair he has agreed we should do it. He's probably (on the face of it) more keen than me.

But thank you for saying I should hold firm.

I'm in exactly the same situation right now. Mine said he doesn't know anything about counselling so can't find one.

I've compromised and said we can look together. But that's all I'm going to do, pick a few that resonate with our situation then he will need to do all the rest of the legwork to make it happen.

Hope your dh follows through (and mine too!)

Oh I missed your post @Blondieblond Good luck - have you made any progress?

I think that if you go to counselling, the advice you get will be that he needs to take it upon himself to do more, and you need to take it upon yourself to not step in when he's doing something.

@TheFoundation - yes, agree, and in fact had a broadly similar conversation with my 1-2-1 therapist yesterday in fact. And we also discussed that if I step in and find someone that doesn't work, it could then be seen as my fault. However, she did recommend a colleague to me so I might just share the details with H and let him decide if he wants to do anything about it.

H did bring it up yesterday evening though and I said I was happy to say yes to the March person and if someone else came up in the meantime that could see us more quickly we could always cancel.