It’s “kind of” a relationship problem. Please, no judgement.

[TheRussianDoll]

Can anyone advise?

My son is 21 and has asd. He’s an only child. I’m 60. He has just started part time work which he’s doing ok at. He has a PA who helps him. He’s never had friends or a girlfriend. He’s curious about sex and i noticed a big payment had gone out of his Apple Pay acct. to access a soft porn site.

I had a look. Nothing horrendous just photos and short videos of scantily clad women. Models, doing stuff like cleaning cars or swimming in an outdoor pool. I was quite relieved. He was mortified but I had to ask him what it was because I “oversea” his bank account online and it was a very hefty amount.

We’ve talked about it. I’ve said it’s natural he’s curious etc and offered to buy him a few magazines or some such. DS WILL NOT hear of me speaking to his dad!

What would you do? Any recommendations? Any advice?

TIA

I don't really have any advice I'm afraid other than that I would be checking he hasn't signed up to a pricey subscription rather than a one off. Other than this, I think you've taken a good approach in terms of encouraging him to be open with you.

Why on earth is he paying for porn ? Porn is free, and easily accessible. I think you need to check what the payment was for a little more thoroughly. Are you sure he's not sending cash to an online girl.
He should never send any money, just point him in the direction of pornhub!

You don’t pay a “hefty amount” on a porn site just to watch some naked women wash cars…

Pornhub will be much harsher than what he seems to have been watching!!

I don't really think there's anything he needs to talk to his dad about if he doesn't want to. Tbh I'd be more worried if my 21 year old kid never accessed a bit of titillation nown and again. It's a normal right of passage. So long as it's not anything dark or unlawful in nature.

Hopefully you've raised him to respect women and made him aware that porn sex and even movie sex is not representative of real life.

Make sure as pp said that he knows to read terms and conditions carefully and not take on subscriptions. Might be helpful to discuss budgeting in general with him. And also things like obsession and addiction, just incase.

The type of sites you describe don't charge a hefty amount. Can you be more specific?

I'd be less concerned about what he's looking at, and more about him being taken advantage of.

Have you talked about people online not always being who they say they are? Something everyone needs reminding of occasionally!

Christ leave him too it. Imagine cracking one out knowing your mum had bought your magazine for you

It’s well known that pornhub has a massive massive issue with child exploitation and indecent imagery so I 100% would not point him in this direction

Just forget it’s happened and allow him some privacy and autonomy.

No judgement
My son is asd and a bit younger
I think it lovely you are so open
But yeah leave him to it and keep an eye as you are on expensive subs and potential exploitation

@Ballcactus

It’s well known that pornhub has a massive massive issue with child exploitation and indecent imagery so I 100% would not point him in this direction

Source? Cos I call bullshit.

I can’t “leave him to it”. It was £192.00.

My son has autism. I’m not in any way “bothered” that he wants to see naked ladies. I’m 60. It’s not something I know anything about. The videos WERE women, in exposing clothes washing cars and then swimming topless. Nothing showing actual sex. I’ve tried to access the site to cancel any subscription but can’t. On Monday, I will go into the bank and close his account.

He is being trusted with his own bank account/card/ApplePay. Clearly, he needs more guidance.

@Thefallow… clearly you don’t understand autism, vulnerability and trying to get a young man to adulthood without judgement but SAFELY.

Oh, had a look at Pornhub. No, what he accessed was nothing like that, at all. Very tame in comparison. DS is 21 but going in 15/16 emotionally. Pornhub would frighten the life out of him.

That's a lot of money for what he's looking at, I would be concerned. Would he be more comfortable talking to his PA if he's embarrassed to talk to you? For the kind of content you describe, he'd be better looked at Only Fans. I don't know how it works, but a friend has a page on there and people pay around £10 a month to view her content.

Before closing his account, have another conversation to see if the situation might be managed without 'sanctioning' him, albeit for his safety.

He's been scammed.

I can’t “leave him to it”. It was £192.00.

Ooof, that’s lot of money
I meant more around the porn

But I agree with what CorrBlimeyGG said also

Exactly! I’ll be in the bank, first thing Monday morning. Tried to go online to their Scam/fraud reporting section but it was all automated and I got nowhere.

I might ask his PA but DS has always been able to talk to me about anything. He does understand that it’s ok to look, all very normal but I clearly didn’t get the “NEVER give bank details online@ but across well enough.