Dating novice - Is he bothered?

[shemesheli]

I’ve been dating Mr S for a couple of months. With a 3 week gap as he was away on business, plus xmas commitments with our families.

We’ve met approx 10 times, three of which we slep together. We feel at ease, connect and enjoy long walks together. Touching base via calls, some texts every few days inbetween life’s priorities.

The last two dates he seems to have avoided meeting at each others homes which I sense is to avoid sex, initiating a walk & a coffee together which I was going to suggest and feel relieved he initiated it, as I like him and feel too fast too soon isn’t healthy.

These walks have gone ok with some warm flirting, light kisses & some hintful suggestions of continuing to meet up.... Maybe a little shyness both sides at times. He seems to have a secure attachment which is a relief as the last OLD was totally avoidant & played with my emotions... lesson learnt!
I’m happy with this early stage of getting to know each other BUT wonder if he’s slowed it down to enable a stronger emotional connection or he just can’t be bothered?! He doesn’t like to text much and calls mainly to have a quick chat or organise a date.

Over analysing no doubt as previously married a long time and a novice at dating!

I don’t know, but I’d wonder at less intimate/more public meetups after you’d repeatedly been in bed. Surely this should be the “can’t wait to jump into bed” stage? I’m not sure/perhaps thinking of my twenties, but it seems a little odd to me.

I think if he genuinely couldn't be bothered he wouldn't be meeting up with you at all. Have you tried asking him why your relationship seems to be taking a step backwards?

In my dating experience sometimes guys who have issues sexually do this, either not very well endowed or have other things they feel embarrassed about.

TheWayTheLightFalls: Exactly! I do find it odd.

Chikapu: Think best to see how it flows next meet up and approach this if still the same.

Journeynotdestination: Good point! Sexually he’s ‘very’ confident. Although maybe it’s because he’s self conscious of his weight as he gained during recent trip.. and he seems bothered by it.

If continues will call him out on it ......

Try asking him maybe??

Do you only go for walks and coffees? Don’t you go to dinner? The theatre? The cinema? See live music?

To me, walking isn’t dating. Where friends were situationships with blokes who wanted to parade around greenwich park, it never really became more serious than that- the man wanted a flirty walking buddy and female companionship.

I also think the lack of texting is a bit odd. It doesn’t need to be incessant teenage babble ‘how r u babe?’ of course- but snapping photos of things you like, forwarding along date ideas, checking in about that big thing you said was happening on one of your walks.

If you have had ten walks and those have been your dates- then I would lean towards ‘no, he isn’t bothered’ and is just enjoying monologuing at you for the price of a takeaway latte.

I don't think any of us can tell you. I think this is something you can only work out from discussing with him and observing his behaviour.

People are different, and while some men might pull back like this because they just want a flirty walking partner, that won't apply in all cases.

I think you should be patient and see how it goes, rather than relying on the judgment of strangers who haven't even met your bloke.

Fingers crossed it works out for you OP!

I think after 10 dates it should progress more than more walking, time to suggest going other places, staying over each other houses, less sex would bother me too, the great thing about newly seeing someone is lots of it.

Maybe he's not wanting anything serious so trying not act like he's in a relationship by avoiding proper dates and staying over, lack of contact. Time to have a chat about what you both want, don't spend another few months wasting time, feeling confused.

Another thought is, if you aren't exclusive, could he still be dating others, maybe he's got another option and slowing things down with you. It's important to have that talk so you know what might be going on.

The last two dates he seems to have avoided meeting at each others homes which I sense is to avoid sex, initiating a walk & a coffee together which I was going to suggest and feel relieved he initiated it, as I like him and feel too fast too soon isn’t healthy.

Am I misunderstanding something? If you were going to suggest going for a walk and a coffee and feel relieved that he did, then why are you worried? Perhaps he feels the same? The only way you can find out is by asking him.

I expect my worry stemmed from not wanting to be the easy access, walk in the park, situationship, sex hook up!
At the same time I don’t want to be heavy on us with expectations so early as it can kill something promising.

He said we should get out for some drinks sometime, in passing..... and when I made some humorous comments about stepping backwards or stuck at one night stand stage... He said let’s get you away from feeling like that....
Maybe patience, no expectations and knowing where I would like this to go with a chat at the right time is only way forward.

He’s a really nice man and although he appears confident on the surface he has mentioned he is shy. Fingers crossed

Dopple
Yes I keep an open mind. He told me he’s no longer on dating sites... voluntarily. He doesn’t like texting so would drop call me now and again and keep me up to date with his movements funnily enough. Having the talk will have to happen (hate this stuff!) so as not to drag it out otherwise.... The last time I had a talk with a potential he changed overnight ...

@shemesheli

Dopple Yes I keep an open mind. He told me he’s no longer on dating sites... voluntarily. He doesn’t like texting so would drop call me now and again and keep me up to date with his movements funnily enough. Having the talk will have to happen (hate this stuff!) so as not to drag it out otherwise.... The last time I had a talk with a potential he changed overnight ...

If a men wants you to be his girlfriend- he will have ‘the talk’ with you. In good timing. At a time that is natural. You won’t be confused.