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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Impossible ex husbands

5 replies

Cluelessat32 · 22/01/2022 15:37

How can I deal with my daughters Dad? Two years after separation and everything is still an absolute struggle.

Sometimes he can be fine, then for no reason he starts behaving hideously, calling me awful names and making accusations. I've backed off because I have no idea who he will be from one day to the next. I want to maintain some sort of relationship, and feel I have to for our daughter who we have shared care for. For me if we don't talk and communicate, I worry things will fall through the gaps with regards for our daughter.

My daughter who is 4 even picks up on his moods, and has said several time about how she is sad when Daddy is grumpy. The other night she was in tears after he was shirty on a video call, and said it makes me sad when Daddy is angry.

I just don't know how to manage this situation. And I just feel exhausted by the bullshit. I am so worried I will be stuck with this rubbish forever.

OP posts:
Suzanne999 · 22/01/2022 17:52

Is there a court order in place for contact with DD? If so I’d stick to that and limit contact between the two of you to the absolute essential only.
If he starts to get shirty, or says anything derogatory hold up your hand as in Stop and tell him you won’t continue with the conversation if he continues to speak like that. If he does, cut the call / leave / shut the door.

RedCandyApple · 22/01/2022 19:38

Grey rock

KurtWilde · 22/01/2022 19:54

Sorry you're dealing with this, OP, my exh is exactly the same. He'll jog along drama free for ages then out of nowhere he's defaulted back to being impossible to deal with. I've had a week of him being vile to me for absolutely no reason. Today I had to message him about something regarding DD and got a ton of abuse back so he's blocked for the millionth time.

Literally blocking him and refusing to engage is the only way I can stop him infringing on our peace.

As Red said, grey rock. Don't engage. Don't let him see it gets to you. That's all he's really after.

Cluelessat32 · 22/01/2022 21:02

@KurtWilde it's horrid isn't it. And you start to relax and then bam! Out of the blue hideous stuff. You jyst can't ever relax, and then get qccusedmof being offhand and cold....

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 22/01/2022 21:04

@Cluelessat32 yep exactly that. Just when you think things are getting a bit easier to handle, they turn again for absolutely no reason.

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