Do you find that first impressions are often right?

[Sleepforaweekotwo]

Reflecting back on how I ended up in this failing relationship in the first place. The first time I met OH, I remember thinking what a boring, detail orientated person he seemed. He then put a lot of effort into wooing me, came across as fun and adventurous but as it turns out, no he's like the man I thought he was in the beginning, the very first time I met him.

The first time I met his sister, I remember thinking how needy she came across, how she had OH pandering after her, along with their parents. Literally day and night. She couldn't function on her own. I remember thinking what a pathetic woman, as the first time I met her, she thanklessly lay on OHs sofa with a blanket over her whilst OH pandered around her making cups of tea. We then struck up a bit of a friendship, we went away together for the weekend, but 10 years later, I can say, no she's actually still quite pathetic and still has everyone pandering around after her.

His mother was particularly over-bearing the first time I met her. I remember thinking, I'm not sure I'll cope with this level of interference but let it go. Gave her countless more chances, tried to strike up a relationship with her. But again, 10 years on, I have very little to do with her because she's terribly judgemental and interferring.

My Uncle once told me to trust my gut when meeting someone for the first time, that first impressions matter. I always thought that you had to give it time to get to know someone, maybe he was right?

I'm trying not to make the same mistakes again, hence the reflections.

I realise how judgemental I come across, but I guess I'm saying that I became aware of the dysfunctional family dynamics the very first time I met them. But told myself I needed to give them more of a chance. That I just needed to get to know them better.

I love the children we have together, but sometimes I ask myself why I didn't run for the hills.

My gut instinct is usually bang on the money but there has been the odd occasion where I've got it wrong. A previous manager, I initially thought I wasn't going to get along with. But proved to be amazing to work for and extremely supportive.

To add, I saw better characteristics in all of them following that first meeting at different times. But 10 years on, I think my first impressions were actually pretty accurate.

I do.
I believe that gut instinct is something that has been in us since man first walked, from when we hunted and were hunted.

That's positive @grandrapids I guess it can be off sometimes. I wish I knew the difference!

My gut instincts tend to be right. I've often ignored them, hoping for the best but I shouldn't have done. I don't anymore.

I think we should largely trust our gut instincts but be aware of our prejudices at the same time.

What I mean is, sometimes I've taken against someone instinctively and it was because of something in my previous experience. On a sub conscious level the person reminds me of someone I avoid or a bad experience.

And we should also bear in mind that the person you're meeting for the first time might not be their usual self and you're not seeing them as they usually are (think someone who's had a few drinks but doesn't usually drink for example).

On the whole, our gut is very useful. Just remember it isn't infallible.

Yes, my gut instincts or first impressions are always on the money, and I have learned to listen to it. But, people are complex and there are usually layers of other personality traits to make them them who they are, so I try to keep on open mind and take people for who they are. My first instinct is always proved right fundamentally though, I think it’s linked to the survival instinct.

When I first met my DH I thought he was a bit odd, very drunk and not someone I would be interested in romantically.
Well 27 years later it turns out I was wrong.

@JustJustWhy

My gut instincts tend to be right. I've often ignored them, hoping for the best but I shouldn't have done. I don't anymore.

This…me too.

I’m of a mind our gut feelings, women’s intuition, spider senses, red flags (call it what you will) are the very first line core of our own emotional personal self-protection mechanisms and guide us in what’s right for OURSELVES. Deep down, we “just know” but, because our brains can’t work out WHY, we just brush it to one side as being silly or over-sensitive or imagining it. And then later, our inner voice goes “I KNEW it/I TOLD you so” when those initial feelings we couldn’t quite place are confirmed.

After a time you will get to discover a more rounded person and more of their personality, but what you saw at the beginning will still be there.