Ex

[Blackangel160614]

I'm 23 and I have a 2 year old daughter and we live in a rent house from the local council. My daughter father (my ex) still lives here after we officially ended the relationship a year ago due to the fact I have a few disabilities which I needed help with.
I suffer with mental health which includes depression and anxiety, I'm also hard of hearing.
At first I let him stay as he is on the tennancy agreement and I needed the help but I'm really struggling mentally with him here. He's obsessive of me and has purposely tried to sabotage my relationships with friends and family, telling them that I can't do it alone when he doesn't give me the option to. I feel so trapped isolated. Day in day out I'm stuck at home trying my best to avoid him until my daughter goes to bed then I go out to see friends/family, but even when I'm out or leaving the house I get questions on where I'm going, who I'm seeing. He makes jokes about me seeing someone new and when I did he sabotaged that and they left.
I have tried to talk to him and ask him to go out for a few hours a week at least or a night or 2 away so that I can have a break with my daughter but he refuses and makes up any excuse.
He refuses to work and puts it down to me not being capable of having my daughter alone for so long and at first he was right but I know I can now as I've taken steps to improve myself for my daughter and the constant belittling gets me so down.
I want to be able to feel comfortable and happy in my own home. I'm not able to bring anyone over because he will cause drama, I don't have a life outside of this house it's so bad I don't go out at all anymore because of the constant questions and accusations so I'm stuck to the kitchen or my bedroom.
I feel like I can't take much more of this anymore my mental health is at rock bottom when I'm doing everything I can to better myself I can't with him here. Is there anything I can do?
Thank you

just to add I'm in the UK and money is extremely tight I'm unable to work

@Blackangel160614
I'm sorry that you are in this situation have you tried contacting women's aid?
Also you will get better advice on the relationship board where the posters have more relevant support and help. This board is targeted at the conflict between trans rights and women rights

Hi OP.

I've reported your post and asked @MNHQ to move it to the Relationships Board that's better suited to help you.

I'm really sorry you are struggling with this situation and can understand your upset, concern and the toll it's taking on your mental health.

As the poster before me suggested, Womens Aid or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline are a good place to start to understand what rights you have.

You may not feel you are in an abusive relationship given he's an Ex, but the control he is exercising over you and the fact you live together means that you sadly still are.

Either of these organisations will be able to give you good, legally and emotionally sound advice.

Links to both below:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Hi Op, I'm so sorry this sounds an awful situation.

To add to the excellent advice above I wonder if the council can help you too.

I'd speak to women's aid and the other helpline first, but as you have disabilities and are a single mother who is clearly being coerced it may be that they can offer some advice.

Try to make notes of his behaviour with dates and times too. Make sure he can't access them.

The relationship board may be able to help you more

This is so horrible for you OP and he sounds incredibly controlling. It's really important that you try and get some outside help. The two numbers supplied are a start, and as another poster has said it's important to start noting times and incidents that he's behaving like this. Is there anyone else you can alert to his behaviour? Have you told your family?

Hi Blackangel160614,

We're sorry you're going through this.

We can see you're getting some good advice and support from other Mumsnetters but we just thought we'd add some links to organisations which can give you some support in real life.

Several posters have suggested you get in touch with Women's Aid, and we'd absolutely second that advice. They have a new online chat support service which operates 10:00am - 6:00pm every day. Their 24-hour helpline number is 0808 2000 247.

It's also worth checking out the Freedom Programme - we know it's helped many MNers over the years so please click on the link.

We're going to move your thread over to our Relationships topic now.

We hope you're okay.

What your ex is doing is abusive - & illegal. As PPs have said, please contact Women’s Aid.

The Council should be able to help with adaptations you might need to your home to ensure that you can live there safely & independently - things like a vibrating & flashing smoke detector not just one that beeps (if that’s not in place already). Contacting them means (just in case you’re not aware!) you will be given a social worker - who you’ll probably never meet, but crucially, it’s not because they think you’re incapable: someone has to oversee the paperwork, basically. It sounds scary, but it’s not.

If you don’t get PiP at the moment, you can ask the CAB to help you make a claim. PiP is for MH issues as well as physical ones & it’s not up to any of us to make assumptions as to what you might be entitled to there. You can also check which benefits you might be entitled to here.

Good luck @Blackangel160614

This is horrific. You are being isolated, bullied and used.
Can you call any friends or family to help you throw him out?

I am very sorry you are experiencing this abuse @Blackangel160614

Please contact the organisations other posters and MN have mentioned, and keep in touch with people on MN if you feel the support might help.

It feels as though something in you is helping you find your strength 💐

This is an awful situation, he is a bully and is manipulating and controlling you.
Please take advantage of all the help on offer via the links in above posts. I’m sure there’s a way either he can be moved out or you are offered separate, safe accommodation away from him.
Good luck.