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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is this? I feel like I am going mad.

4 replies

theidealcrash · 21/01/2022 16:17

So today I have been feeling unwell and have asked my partner to come home early (works for himself) and pick up DS from school. When everyone is home normal chaos begins and DP decides to take both DS outside for activity. I jokingly say good luck and will be on hand if needed. And he then says maybe he should take them back to his office and try and do some work. Every time I ask anything of him I get something similar - it’s ok at the time of asking but then I get a comment later on to let me know that he has been put out. In the end I stop asking for anything - but it’s no way to live - not a team. He does lots with the boys and round the house - but on his terms. I don’t know - now I have typed it - it doesn’t sound a lot but it happens all the time and makes me feel rubbish. Should you just let stuff like this go and ignore - I don’t trust my judgement any more - feeling very down and confused.

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/01/2022 16:20

If you are unwell why are you getting involved? Leave him to it.

FayCarew · 21/01/2022 16:25

How unwell are you? How old are DS? Do you work? PT or FT?
Is DP DS' dad?

TheFoundation · 21/01/2022 16:37

It's a bit of a mixed message; you're not well enough to take care of them, but you're well enough to help him take care of them, if he can't manage? Does he think that you don't think he's capable on his own with the kids? Does he think you're actually well enough, and he should be at work?

I mean, if he thinks either of those things, he ought to be saying that to you rather than making passive aggressive digs, but by the same token, if you're not well enough to take care of the kids, you ought not to be saying you'll help him if things get difficult.

It sounds like neither of you say what you mean, or trust the other to do so.

layladomino · 22/01/2022 11:54

You asked him to come home. He did. He told you what he planned to do. You didn't need to comment on it. Perhaps like pp have said, you should have just left him to it. Your offer to help if needed probably sounded to him like you don't trust him to cope with them. Also, if my DH had called me home from work to loko after DC because he was ill, I'd be confused if he then offered to help me.

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