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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Positive stories

1 reply

Mirabelle12131 · 21/01/2022 07:08

Trying not to be outing, but I’m considering my options after 18 years of marriage. I have 3 children, the older ones are doing A level and GCSEs next year. I want to go alone but I’m worried about the fallout and whether I can successfully uproot my life without damaging my children, also whether I should at least wait until the exam years are over.

There’s no drama here, no affairs, no abuse on either side. Just a woman who’s realised this is not the life she wants forever, and I think that a lot of our ‘unhappiness’ - sniping, petty arguments, irritations are coming from the fact that we just don’t rub along well together anymore and I resent being the default parent with the mental load. Or at least, I would prefer to do it without the hassle of having to factor in another adult’s wants/preferences too.

If I leave, the house would need to be sold and I would be looking to move back to my ‘home’ county which is approx 2 hours away. I have family network there but would essentially be starting again after the best part of 20 years. Is it doable, anyone done and not regretted such a big leap? Will the kids hate me forever?!

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 21/01/2022 11:49

I did it. Absolutely no regrets. The kids were post school although one in uni. They knew we weren't happy (well, primarily me) but it was still a shock. They're absolutely fine about it now and tell me frequently I made the right decision and how much happier I am.

Life's too short to live in a relationship that isn't working. If you can have a civilised separation that would be best for the children but either way they will be fine. I would be astonished if they've not picked up on tension already and although undoubtedly a major upheaval for them, children are incredibly resilient and so long as you both continue to parent them with love and support they will be absolutely fine.

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