Will I ever be happy with a nice guy?

[WoodSageandSeasalt]

I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months, he’s really decent, good fun, kind and thoughtful. He texts every day and we talk or meet up regularly - I never have to worry about him letting me down. He’s interested in me as a person and also finds me attractive, in fact he thinks I’m amazing 😳 He’s not really my type physically but the sex is surprisingly good and we’ve got shared interests and values.

Trouble is a lot of the time I just feel stifled and even a bit irritated by him. He also wants things to move a bit faster than I’m comfy with eg meeting kids and friends, going on holiday etc.

It’s so frustrating, I’ve been single for a couple of years after a very painful breakup and on paper he could be just what I need but I’m not sure it’s enough. My ex (and others previously) was a total bastard but I had such a strong attraction to him. Sex with him wasn’t that great but it felt more real although physically it’s much better with the current guy.

I don’t want to hurt him and my heart sinks at the thought of going back to the dating world or being lonely on my own which I very much have been. I just feel like staying with him would be settling (which I’ve done before and don’t want to repeat) but am I expecting too much? He ticks a lot of boxes and it could be everything I want but something is stopping me. I honestly wonder if I’ve lost the ability to feel for someone like I did about my ex but maybe I’m kidding myself and I’m just not that into him.

What sorts of things is he doing or saying that you feel ‘stifled’ over?

If you don’t want to introduce DC, book holiday and other things he suggests, don’t! If he’s truly ‘nice’ he will respect your pace.

I think it’s just that, he isn’t respecting what I say. I’ve said I want to take things slow but he doesn’t seem to get it - I’ve had ‘x (his son) wants to know when he’s going to meet you’ and ‘x (his friends who I’ve never met) were asking after you’ - while he’s not pushing anything I’ve specifically said that I don’t want, both of those comments just feel a bit much.

He also texts constantly and questions what I’m doing, maybe he’s just being interested but I feel slightly stalked!

I’m meeting him tomorrow and I think how I feel when I see him will give me my answer. If I’m still keen I’ll have to talk to him because it’s no fun if I just feel irritated by him half the time.

None of what you are describing sounds like a nice guy op. It sounds like textbook love bombing and stepping over boundaries.

And there's not really any point having chat with people like him about that sort of shit because you should never find yourself having to explain to someone why stifling behaviour and ignoring your boundaries is not OK. They know it isn't OK, they just don't want you to know they know. And they hope that they can keep smashing your boundaries down so that you will accept it rather than telling them to take a hike like you should.

He most certainly isn't a nice guy. He is a creepy bastard who smacks of being emotionally controlling.

Please don't ever make the mistake of being flattered by clingyness or possessiveness. It is not insecurity, it is contol. And it is not loving behaviour, but that of a predator who seeks to trap its prey.