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Original poster

Advice for writing wedding guest list!

27 replies

Potatopotate · 20/01/2022 20:35

We are having a small garden wedding in the summer, and numbers are limited by the fact that we only have one toilet!

What would be the maximum number of people you would invite to the wedding?

Also where would you draw the line, e.g. invite aunties and uncles but not cousins? Even cousins you see a couple of times a year? Invite friends but not partners unless partners are also friends?

In an ideal world I would like to invite all family including first cousins, and friends along with their families. However, this doesn't seem possible.

How would you go about narrowing down the list? Are there rules or standards?

OP posts:
PerfectlyImperfectme · 20/01/2022 20:40

Is there space apart in the garden for everyone from the toilet issue ? If so can you hire a couple of portaloo - sure the men at least won't mind using them if you really want to see everyone

gogohm · 20/01/2022 20:55

I was about to suggest hiring a portaloo. I had 80 at my wedding (back garden) and 2 toilets, one up one down

Original poster
Potatopotate · 20/01/2022 22:54

@PerfectlyImperfectme

Is there space apart in the garden for everyone from the toilet issue ? If so can you hire a couple of portaloo - sure the men at least won't mind using them if you really want to see everyone
Yes there is space, and there is also a hidden area in the garden where I could put them. Now to look at portaloo quotes 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
Potatopotate · 20/01/2022 22:56

@gogohm

I was about to suggest hiring a portaloo. I had 80 at my wedding (back garden) and 2 toilets, one up one down
Did that people:toilet ratio work okay? I think we would have about 60 people so maybe I'd just need one portaloo. Love this glamorous wedding chat 😁
OP posts:
ESGdance · 20/01/2022 23:04

What are your numbers to include all partners and all cousins? What’s your ideal number?

Sorry but IMHO you can’t invite someone but not their partner - that’s v anti social. Invite fewer couples if needed.

Also how many cousins do you have? I think that people won’t really understand that there is a guest number limit if you are entertaining at home as opposed to a venue - will it be formal sit down?

Do you like your cousins?

Wombat98 · 20/01/2022 23:21

Our neighbours hire portaloos when they have a big party. We're never invited but it seems to work for them.

Original poster
Potatopotate · 20/01/2022 23:58

@ESGdance

What are your numbers to include all partners and all cousins? What’s your ideal number?

Sorry but IMHO you can’t invite someone but not their partner - that’s v anti social. Invite fewer couples if needed.

Also how many cousins do you have? I think that people won’t really understand that there is a guest number limit if you are entertaining at home as opposed to a venue - will it be formal sit down?

Do you like your cousins?

Immediate family incl wedding party are 12 (5 are children)

Aunts uncles and cousins are 15 (all adults)

Friends with partners and kids are 36 (10 are kids)

So 60-65 people (15 of whom are children).

We are having a buffet, no formal seating.

Looking at it I think that's too many people. Any suggestions for cutting down the numbers?

OP posts:
Original poster
Potatopotate · 21/01/2022 00:01

@ESGdance

What are your numbers to include all partners and all cousins? What’s your ideal number?

Sorry but IMHO you can’t invite someone but not their partner - that’s v anti social. Invite fewer couples if needed.

Also how many cousins do you have? I think that people won’t really understand that there is a guest number limit if you are entertaining at home as opposed to a venue - will it be formal sit down?

Do you like your cousins?

I am close to some of my cousins but rarely see others. However I don't think I can invite some but not all...
OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 21/01/2022 06:09

Perhaps consider not inviting the children of your friends and their partners.
That drops numbers by 10? I doubt whether they would expect an invitation.

girlmom21 · 21/01/2022 06:13

Don't invite the cousins you don't have much to do with.
I don't think you can invite couples but no kids if it's at your house.

Scarby9 · 21/01/2022 06:16

Portaloos are a bargain to hire! I was really surprised by the cost round us.

At my goddaughter's wedding (in a marquee in a neighbour's garden, so not using the house toilets) they had hired a super posh toilet caravan thing. Visiting it and talking about it was one of the joys of the wedding!

ESGdance · 21/01/2022 08:40

I wouldn’t invite the 10 children of your friends to save on numbers - it’s not expected that children are invited to weddings - some parents might want them invited (others delighted to have a day off) - but it’s the hosts prerogative.

If you were trimming back on cousins - it would depend on how many and what family they were from - so if you have 5 cousins but only invited 1 who was a special friend that would be OK but if you invited 4 and left out one that might be divisive.

Also if you invited one cousin from one family and their parents but not their sibling that might be uncomfortable?

lastqueenofscotland · 21/01/2022 08:47

I think it’s fine not to invite partners you don’t know!!

Original poster
Potatopotate · 21/01/2022 09:20

@ESGdance

I wouldn’t invite the 10 children of your friends to save on numbers - it’s not expected that children are invited to weddings - some parents might want them invited (others delighted to have a day off) - but it’s the hosts prerogative.

If you were trimming back on cousins - it would depend on how many and what family they were from - so if you have 5 cousins but only invited 1 who was a special friend that would be OK but if you invited 4 and left out one that might be divisive.

Also if you invited one cousin from one family and their parents but not their sibling that might be uncomfortable?

I think this might be the answer. Not inviting friends' children would probably be okay as it is an evening wedding and most of my friends live locally (and often get babysitters for parties etc).

The cousins is harder, all my aunts and uncles are sisters and brothers (and their husbands and wives). Some families live closer so I see them more, some I haven't seen in many years. I think I might have to invite them as it might be too mean not to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Potatopotate · 21/01/2022 09:36

It is on a weekday evening.

OP posts:
ESGdance · 21/01/2022 10:53

@Potatopotate

It is on a weekday evening.
I suspect that there will likely be a few no shows in that case due to distance and timing. You could also risk sending invites quite late on?
Original poster
Potatopotate · 21/01/2022 13:10

@ESGdance

That is okay as it is informal, more of a party really, and anyone who is travelling (some of the wedding party) will be staying with us and has already had plenty of notice and said they are okay to come.

Almost all friends are local and could feasibly come after work. If they can't then that is okay.

Perhaps what I should do with aunts, uncles and cousins is address to family groups e.g. 'the Smiths' so cousins can decide if they want to come.

Thinking of addressing invites to friends e.g. 'Kate and Jim' and not naming children on the invite, so if any children show up it is fine but they're not specifically invited.

Then once RSVPs come in I can see if we need a portaloo...

Does this sound like a way forward? Any issues that could arise?

OP posts:
bouncydog · 21/01/2022 13:54

I would just not invite the children as it's an evening do. I know this will not be general mumsnet attitude, but you want to enjoy your evening as do the other adults and it will be time for them to celebrate with you without child minding! Alternatively don't invite the cousins. People get very funny with expectations when there are weddings involved but at the end of the day it's what you and your OH want. Make a decision and stand firm!!

MimiSunshine · 21/01/2022 17:00

Honestly, only invite the cousins you’re close to. Ask yourself this (regardless of whether they’re already married or not)… would you be upset or even particularly bothered if you weren’t invited to their wedding?

It’s absolutely fine to only invite your aunts and uncles plus close cousins. Don’t be vague with ‘The Smiths’ they won’t necessarily interpret it correctly and probably won’t RSVP with all the actual names so you’ll still be none the wiser.

Same with friend invites, yes just those named are the ones invited but the average person doesn’t go to that many formally invited events and so people are never quite sure of the etiquette.

Either put on the invite that ‘with apologies, children are not invited’ or put a note to say ‘only children named on the invite are invited’.

I only invited one cousin to my wedding because to invite the rest would mean doubling our guest list. They may or may not have been upset about that but they didn’t comment and while I’ve been invited to some of their occasions, I’ve often not gone and wouldn’t be upset at not being invited. I sensed at a few it was an invite that they’d felt obliged to send but I couldn’t go anyway.

Original poster
Potatopotate · 22/01/2022 12:30

@MimiSunshine yeah I guess I could just cause a whole lot more confusion with that plan 😂

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 22/01/2022 17:38

Portaloos and and maybe not invite the children esp for a midweek evening wedding.

Personally I would invite cousins and partners I think skipping cousins just causes rifts and nothing is a more couply event than a wedding.

Normandy144 · 22/01/2022 17:48

I don't think it sounds too many at all. Cut the children of your friends out straight away. I can think of nothing worse than attending an evening reception with my children in tow.
Be clear on your invitation and name only the guests who you are inviting. Don't address it to the "Smith's". Send a separate invitation to your cousins at their home (not their parents home). You could also consider not inviting the children of any cousins as well especially the ones you're not close to. Then order a portaloo.

FitAt50 · 22/01/2022 18:08

We had 50 people at our wedding. Narrowed it down to close family and friends and only invited people I actually liked and wanted to/had spent quality time with previously. Didn't invite counsins or children under 10.

Ellmau · 22/01/2022 21:31

Are you having a legal wedding as well (register office)? Who is coming to that?

Original poster
Potatopotate · 24/01/2022 02:36

@Ellmau

Are you having a legal wedding as well (register office)? Who is coming to that?
We are also having a legal wedding yes, basic statutory ceremony with no guests, probably people from the street as witnesses.
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