Ex partner is making me life a misery

[Chowbella123]

We split 5 years ago. I ended up in a women's refuge. He was emotionally, mentally and financially abusive. Even after the relationship has ended he still managed to find ways to get at me/control me.

His parenting style is different to mine which i accept. However, i've told him certain things we need to both agree on to keep our DS life stable such as bedtimes, DS medicine, screen time etc.

We spoke on the phone last week after we tried to put differences aside and try co parent. I had said that our DS needs to have a similar bedtime routine as when he comes back from his my DS can never settle and wakes in the night often (DS is 5 almost 6).

I tried my hardest to get DS to sleep well as it affects both me and him but his dad's lack of routine affects him. He still co sleeps with our DS and lies to me about it. Get our DS not to tell me as he knows this is going against what we both agreed on previously. A friend of mine has just sent me a screenshot of exes profile of our DS sleeping in his bed, although ex was trying to make out he snuck in his bed in the morning- it was clear to me he had not eg. DS pillow was in there and all his cuddlies, DS wakes up at 6 and never goes back to sleep especially when other people are up.

Other instances- DS requires medication for asthma and reflux. Previously i've found out via DS that ex does not regularly give this medication. When I confront ex he gets defensive, just says he forgot etc. But i mean this is very important!

DS came back to mine the other day with his ipad from exes house. I had a quick scan on screen time- its regularly over 8 hours every time hes at his house overnight. Fair enough i'm not condoning playing on games but its more the frustration that he makes out hes dad of the year and does this and that when in actual fact he puts DS in front of a screen and regularly gets his mum to look after our DS so he can do his own hobbies.

What can i do about this man!? I thought our conversation last week was respectful and civil. He seemed to take on points i made and i thought all was good. Then i see this screenshot and actually he doesn't seem to care.

I can only echo what everyone else has said. All you are achieving is more stress for yourself and your ex feeling smug he is annoying you.

I can give you a long list of the concerns I had when my children were with ex eow. Sleeping in his bedroom floor next to him/ow-gf. Aggressive behaviour to name a few

School raised a safe guarding as my eldest was becoming distressed at times. The investigation concluded there were no concerns just different parenting standards.

I don't rise to it at all. Kids go. I say have a great time they come back. I say Hope you have had fun. You have no influence over ex now. Even if it is in your dc best interest. Kids can sleep on the floor wear the same clothes all weekend and not wash etc

Medication would be the battle to have it's important. Can you ds remind dad at x time I need my meds. Setting an alarm in his watch? I know it's not right but sometimes it is the only way forward

The abstract of the article you posted does not not support your contention that co-sleeping is harmful.

The medication issue is the only important one here, the rest you're just going to have to live with.

I get it, he seems just just let your son sit on his iPad the whole time, not bother with his medication, and co sleeps as he cannot be bothered for the fuss in the middle of the night, I totally get it.
But from his side, he clearly doesn't live with his son full time and might see it as a fun night without rules, however totally agree he should try and keep a routine as much as possible.

However, 1, there's nothing wrong with parents that like to co sleep, I get what you're saying though, you know for a fact he cannot be bothered for a routine and maybe potentially likes to piss you off, who knows, we don't know him, only you do.

2, you should tell your friends to not screen shot anything of his social media, it's only angering you, he's at home, with his son, and you have a nice night off for some YOU time, some pamper time, a full nights sleep.. see it that way. You obviously don't have him on social media for a reason.

I know what it's like - trust me - but caring at all about what his dad does with his son unless it's seriously harming your son, is only affecting you in the end. As long as he is safe and loved he will be fine.

He goes to his dads, then he is back home with you, a well rested and calm minded mum... be strong, forget about him, you've got this.