Friendship over??

[surreygirl1987]

Am I being ghosted by my friend (is that even the right word?!).
Have a close friend. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding. We used to live near each other and get together pretty often. She married and moved away, and so did I. But we kept in touch and met up when we could.
But now, I haven't even heard from her for almost half a year! I've send her 3 separate WhatsApps, all of which have been read and not replied to, and I sent her a Christmas card that said 'I miss you' but no word from her still. It's really not like her at all to do this, and she has moaned about people doing this to her in the past. She's a genuinely lovely person. I seriously can't think of any way I can possibly have upset her. Should I just give up on the friendship??

Why don’t you pick up the phone?

Have you tried phoning her? She could be going through some tough times. I wouldn’t write her off yet.

Give up. You can’t force a friendship and the fact she’s ignored three WhatsApp messages shows she doesn’t want to keep in contact with you. It’s sad when friends drift apart but it’s unlikely she’ll give you a genuine reason for why she’s not keeping in touch. I feel for you. Had this happen to me before and it’s really hurtful.

Giving up on the friendship skips a few steps. Have you told her you feel this way? Are you sure she's ok? Have you asked her if something's up?

Try ringing her.
Send her another message if she's ok.

If the above fails I wouldn't try again.

Sorry

Have you inadvertently done or said something which she finds unacceptable?

Only suggesting because I have a good friend who I’m avoiding because she’s gone all anti vax on social media and I can’t deal with that right now.

Maybe she needs a break for a bit?

I’d just keep the friendship on the back burner and she’ll get in touch when’s she’s ready. No p point in cutting something off if it just needs space.

Try calling her

This happened to me once and I have no idea why. I must have offended her but she never told me why. You've made the effort so should leave it in her hands now. You may not hear from her again but it's beyond your control. Perhaps she's having some personal issues that you're not aware of.

These are difficult times ...I would try one more time ...say you are worried about her.

I have been on both sides of this in 2 diff ways.

1. Was great pals and she ghosted me in a weird way for no obvious reason (she later reappeared and enthusiastically resumed contact with no explanation... I didnt press it and assumed it was mental health stuff on her side... then she ghosted me a second time! This was more permanent. Aren't I thick? 😂👍)

1. Really old friend who was actually my bridesmaid. Her behaviour was inadvertently and in some cases (i can't see how it was anything other than) intentionally pretty crap. I was her bridesmaid and jumped through serious hoops for her wedding at £££ expense. my wedding was low key minimal asks/efforts and still everything was a fucking drama. She insisted I pay to attend my own hen party which was held in my own house! She couldn't ever just smile and say yeah sure to anything. She seemed vaguely oblivious to it all and was pissy with other bridesmaid who was nice/normal. I have essentially ghosted her and she would probably say it was inexplicable but it was her shitty behaviour that tipped me over the edge.

In both scenarios ultimately there's not much to be done because once it's been decided the damage is done and its not salvageable

Ghosting is abusive because the person holds the power and the other person is left powerless. Don't ever do it, it's an awful thing to do.
At least show the person enough respect to communicate with them why you want to let the friendship go.

I wouldn't let a friendship go on the basis of 6 months low contact, unless there's some obvious reason to do so. Don't hassle her (you've sent WhatsApps and a Xmas card so she knows you're out there) but give her a bit more of a chance.

If you have WhatsApped 3 times and sent a card then the ball is in her court. I personally wouldn’t contact her. She knows where you are

Probably worth picking up the phone.
I have an old friend who sends long texts which I sometimes ignore as I hate texting. Would rather speak on the phone or meet up.

@KeepingAnOpenMind

Probably worth picking up the phone. I have an old friend who sends long texts which I sometimes ignore as I hate texting. Would rather speak on the phone or meet up.

So do you call your friend within a day or so?

Thanks for all the replies. To all those who said to call her, my friends and I don't really call each other... we just don't. We all work long hours and tend just to WhatsApp (and meet in person). It's just how it is. I know she wouldn't pick up if I called her. Neither of us do lengthy phonecalls!

I did think personal issues but her social media is full of events she's been to with other friends... and I can't see why she'd not at least send a message. She was so hurt when our other friend did this to her!

I also don't think I've done anything she would find 'unacceptable'. I'm a pretty boring teacher... not controversial in any way... certainly not an antivaxer etc! Plus she wouldn't know of anything I've been doing as we've not spoken for so long! So she would have had no opportunity yo get upset about anything anyway.

I think I'll just leave it any see if she gets in touch - the Christmas card saying I missed her was a fair final attempt I think. It hurts though!

Yes, if she has plastered her life over social media that is very different. I think you are probably right to wait for her to contact now.

@Totalwasteofpaper
She insisted I pay to attend my own hen party which was held in my own house!
Sorry, but that made me laugh! I've got visions of her charging tickets on the door and sending you to the back of the queue 😃