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Relationships

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Original poster

First time sex wasn't great

22 replies

lazylockdowner · 19/01/2022 18:40

So met a great guy, not my usual type but things are brilliant, we ended up speaking on the phone daily for 4 weeks before we finally meet due to work, covid etc and really built up a strong connection, we want the same things, he has similar morals and desires as me and going forward he is everything I ever wanted in a person.

So we’ve been dating and things are brilliant and it finally got to the point where it came to have sex and I just feel disappointed, there was basically no foreplay and whilst the sex was pleasant I was never going to be able to reach orgasm (I need foreplay and a build up) it’s been quite a while for both of us since we last had sex and I get that he may of been a little nervous, self conscious and keen.

Is this doomed or can we recover? Sex is really important to me in a relationship.

OP posts:

CPHB2021 · 19/01/2022 18:42

I think it's rarely mind blowing the first time. I would try and forget that experience and try and relax a little more going forward. I absolutely think you can recover from this.

Original poster

lazylockdowner · 19/01/2022 18:45

Thank you, I've been single for a long time and during that time (though not for over 2 years) I had a FWB situation where the sec was mind blowing.

In a relationship I'm not looking for wild kinky sex everyday but I do want a strong connection and for both of us to be satisfied

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2022 18:46

You need to communicate. Next time it comes to have sex, don't let him put his penis inside you until you're ready. Tell him to slow it down, you like the build up and love foreplay.

User1412 · 19/01/2022 18:47

It can definitely get better! If not communication is key there’s nothing wrong in telling him how important foreplay is to you

LowlyTheWorm · 19/01/2022 18:48

It’s definitely worth persevering if he is happy to work at it that’s the main thing. Sex- whilst not complicated- is a bit like dancing. Some people are naturals and others need some effort… and if everything else is good, it’s worth the effort.

Fuckitydoodah · 19/01/2022 18:49

I definitely wouldn't right things off. I think sex generally gets better as the relationship develops and you feel more confident and comfortable around each other. Also, sometimes you have to spell stuff out and tell him what turns you on, what kind of foreplay you'd like, favourite positions etc.

TheFoundation · 19/01/2022 18:49

Yes, talk to him, or show him what you want/don't want.

What stopped you saying 'Not yet' if you weren't ready?

Fuckitydoodah · 19/01/2022 18:50

Write not right

Earlgrey19 · 19/01/2022 18:51

1st time sex is usually not good, both of you feeling nervous. But communication is important. Tell him what you need to come.

newnamenewyear · 19/01/2022 18:52

You don't owe this guy anything. It's been 4 weeks.

The longer you stay with him, you may find the harder it is to leave.

It sounds like you're not sexually compatible - unless you're willing to spend ages teaching this guy the basics and even then he may lack the intuition to really connect with you sexually.

I mean, if you want to, and the idea of teaching him how to please you appeals to you, then by all means go for it.

But please don't give him another chance because you feel you owe it to him, or that it's the right thing to do. That way disaster lies.

Original poster

lazylockdowner · 19/01/2022 18:56

I think i was pretty nervous to and my Brain was just on auto pilot, we probably should of had a couple of glasses of wine first

I can definitely communicate with him going forward and glad it's not definitely a write off as things are going so well and he maxed me really happy so far (only early days but 8 weeks in now)

OP posts:

TheFoundation · 19/01/2022 18:56

It sounds like you're not sexually compatible

I agree with what you're saying, @newnamenewyear, but this is very harsh. People have to get to know each other sexually, it doesn't have to come from intuition.

Staryflight445 · 19/01/2022 18:58

You can’t judge someone based on the first time with them, you were both nervous, it was hardly going to be mind blowing whilst you’re both learning about what you like.

StCharlotte · 19/01/2022 19:09

DH and my first time was disastrous - didn't even manage penetration! But we stuck at it and 23 years on we still have a lovely sex life.

runningfromtheoutlaws · 19/01/2022 19:12

I think you can, if its been a while, he maybof just wanted to get on with it.

Bringmeadog · 19/01/2022 19:13

Don’t let him inside you until you’ve had at least one orgasm. If he doesn’t want to do this, you know he’s just selfish.

In my experience, if the penetration happens first, a decent partner will always continue with fingers or tongue afterwards to ensure you’re satisfied too.

Did he not ask how it was for you when you were done?

Milkyway34x · 19/01/2022 19:28

I met the guy I had fancied and talked to for months last July. He's now my boyfriend. We used to talk about sex alot and we flirted alot. When we met for the first night he started foreplay on me and we were kissing and stuff. We started having sex and it was over in about 2 minutes. He was having to stop and be really slow. It was a compliment to me in a way I guess. I remember thinking oh. I hadn't had sex for 2 years and I wanted it to feel absolutely amazing. It actually felt abit bruised aswel. But we had 2 months of sex and we did a variety of things. Then his back flared up and he's now waiting for a scan. So we've not had full sex for 3 months and he rarely touches me. If it wasn't for his back I'd say yes the sex would have improved. We've had passionate sex and fun in those early weeks. Now it's just a waiting game. Which I'm sulking about as I'm finding it hard not being able to enjoy a normal sex life after no sex for 2 years before him.

Tailsyflugbun · 19/01/2022 19:29

How long was his previous relationship? He may have got into a routine with his previous partner that didn't involve much foreplay?

newnamenewyear · 19/01/2022 22:32

@TheFoundation

It sounds like you're not sexually compatible

I agree with what you're saying, @newnamenewyear, but this is very harsh. People have to get to know each other sexually, it doesn't have to come from intuition.

OK, fair enough, possibly a bit harsh!

I'm just fed up with women (myself included) settling for sexual partners they're not compatible with, because society encourages us to be nice, be thoughtful, be the bloody fixers of men all the time.

I'm never settling for a man who I don't click with in bed again. I'm going to end the relationship asap, it doesn't get any better IME.

FinallyHere · 19/01/2022 22:53

Don’t let him inside you until you’ve had at least one orgasm. If he doesn’t want to do this, you know he’s just selfish.

This. It's a great start.

TheFoundation · 19/01/2022 23:00

@newnamenewyear

Settling for a partner you're not compatible with isn't the same as taking some time to get to know each other. My partner and I didn't even share a good first kiss, but we soon learned how to make it work, and it really does work, now.

If everything else is promising, it'd be a shame to throw it away after one time. There's many relationships that start with something like this that go on to be successful. It's got nothing to do with women settling for men who don't satisfy them, and everything to do with both being considerate and understanding of each other, in bed and out.

SunflowerTed · 20/01/2022 18:26

First time is usually a bit disappointing due to nerves Communication is key. You’re still getting to know each other - I’m sure the foreplay will evolve. Good luck he sounds a great guy x

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