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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't change the past but need to change the future ?

4 replies

istheiralight · 19/01/2022 13:41

Sorry for the long post ahead

Been with OH for 10 years, 3 kids, he has others from a previous relationship

Just feel at my whits end with everything lately

He works 3 days a week, im a full time carer for our children (2 are very poorly)
Due to him working I get my benefits reduced and no help with deductions etc but yet the money I get I pay for every bill appart from gas and electric and his car finance ? I pay for his insurance and mine also the normal household bills and phones etc and mortgage and the kids things. He does buy household items we need but I do usually have to help when/IF I have it spare

It's his birthday coming up an hes calling me rotten due to me not been able to afford a luxury hotel that's more then our mortgage per night... I don't think this is fair ? For my birthday I got a card, Mother's Day I got the last hunch of flowers left at petrol station- no joke. Never any thought?
Iv organised a meal for all of the children got a nice cake made etc just noting I do is good enough, I did book a hotel to get away for the night but it isn't the one he wants and it's a shit one ""
This isn't the issue really. I am stressed over money hugely I'm over my head with bills an he doesn't see this. But he keeps going on about my past before he knew me?
I did sleep with other people before we met and he knows this. We have a big age gap and stupidly some of the people Iv slept with he "knows" not that it should matter IMO but when we first got together people used to message me and say things like "what you doing on the weekend" to me that's are you coming over the park for a drink because I was young an my mates all still did that! Yes I knocked about with older people to but I never did anything with them I literally used to go partys an get drunk like most people my age did at the time
But he's taken it as I was cheating etc so now he's asking me what did I do on such a weekend or what did people text me and when 10 years ago? Yes it's my fault telling him about my past but how can I fix it ?
I'm mentally broke been told how I'm a slag and I'm worthless and useless and do nothing and I'm only good for a one night stand ? He comes home from work an searches an checks my cleaning for a problem to argue
Iv so much on my plate with the kids been ill. I get no support and no break or any help from anyone even he doesn't help me do anything. It's me doing the 6 school runs a day, appointments, the fighting for what they need and deserve. I'm just broke.

I can't help but think about just ending my pointless misery of a life
Making my life 1000x easier an taking the shame of my past away from him and my kids an then they can be happy an get what they deserve ??
Sorry for the waffle I just don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore I can't stop crying let alone function

OP posts:
Echobelly · 19/01/2022 13:45

Your kids do not think your life is pointless. He is making it a misery - it doesn't seem he does anything good for you, and you may not even be much worse off financially without him.

You can't change your past, but even if you could, there would be no reason to - you never did anything wrong, he is a petty, insecure, controlling bastard. Most guys would not think anything of your past or judge you on it, or care if they knew someone you'd slept with.

He is a crushing weight that you can throw off and I'm sure posters who can advise on how best to do that will be along soon, but in the meantime lots of sympathy to you.

IwishICouldTurnBackTime · 19/01/2022 14:12

I'm mentally broke been told how I'm a slag and I'm worthless and useless and do nothing and I'm only good for a one night stand

This is a shocking thing to say to you! When he says that sort of thing again, reply if you're so bad, why doesn't he just FUCK OFF... and mean it! Kick his sorry arse into touch!

I know it's easier said than done, but he's gaslighting you with mental cruelty. Please contact WA for help and advice Flowers

draramallama · 19/01/2022 14:13

You turn to Women's Aid. He is abusing you and he is the problem.

Holothane · 19/01/2022 14:16

Words fail me this is shocking get as much help as you can and start to prepare to get rid of him you’ll get more help on your own.

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