Sorry for the long post ahead
Been with OH for 10 years, 3 kids, he has others from a previous relationship
Just feel at my whits end with everything lately
He works 3 days a week, im a full time carer for our children (2 are very poorly)
Due to him working I get my benefits reduced and no help with deductions etc but yet the money I get I pay for every bill appart from gas and electric and his car finance ? I pay for his insurance and mine also the normal household bills and phones etc and mortgage and the kids things. He does buy household items we need but I do usually have to help when/IF I have it spare
It's his birthday coming up an hes calling me rotten due to me not been able to afford a luxury hotel that's more then our mortgage per night... I don't think this is fair ? For my birthday I got a card, Mother's Day I got the last hunch of flowers left at petrol station- no joke. Never any thought?
Iv organised a meal for all of the children got a nice cake made etc just noting I do is good enough, I did book a hotel to get away for the night but it isn't the one he wants and it's a shit one ""
This isn't the issue really. I am stressed over money hugely I'm over my head with bills an he doesn't see this. But he keeps going on about my past before he knew me?
I did sleep with other people before we met and he knows this. We have a big age gap and stupidly some of the people Iv slept with he "knows" not that it should matter IMO but when we first got together people used to message me and say things like "what you doing on the weekend" to me that's are you coming over the park for a drink because I was young an my mates all still did that! Yes I knocked about with older people to but I never did anything with them I literally used to go partys an get drunk like most people my age did at the time
But he's taken it as I was cheating etc so now he's asking me what did I do on such a weekend or what did people text me and when 10 years ago? Yes it's my fault telling him about my past but how can I fix it ?
I'm mentally broke been told how I'm a slag and I'm worthless and useless and do nothing and I'm only good for a one night stand ? He comes home from work an searches an checks my cleaning for a problem to argue
Iv so much on my plate with the kids been ill. I get no support and no break or any help from anyone even he doesn't help me do anything. It's me doing the 6 school runs a day, appointments, the fighting for what they need and deserve. I'm just broke.
I can't help but think about just ending my pointless misery of a life
Making my life 1000x easier an taking the shame of my past away from him and my kids an then they can be happy an get what they deserve ??
Sorry for the waffle I just don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore I can't stop crying let alone function