Come and tell me I am a fool

[FoolishWoman453]

I have messed up. I have fallen in love. I am having an affair and I know he is using me. I want to stop but I feel trapped because he says he will love me forever and I have promised the same thing. We work together (he is my mentor and far up the food chain). I know I am a fool. I am lying here crying because of how he has behaved today. I just need straight, don't be an idiot.

He is a dirty fucker isn't he?

If your DH is aggressive or violent please get divorced and split up immediately. Don't tell him about the affair, you'll never hear the end of it. I've been there and did what you did but I've been out that situation for 15years.Now see how abusive it was. But my family still know it was me that had the affair.

Sounds like a manky old prick tbh.

My children know my husband is grumpy. They knew to steer clear. They sometimes tell him he should be kinder to me. A few things happened when they were little - babies - and then it was always when thet were asleep.

Not always actual violence. He would push and shove and hold me by the throat etc., but it was more the cold in my face shit. Then he would cry and I would hold him.

He refuses to ever talk about it happening. If I ever bring it up he tells me I am making it up. But I know it did all happen.

I don't know why lock down stopped it. I think it forced a change.

Actually it us disgusting snagging someone 20 years younger than you who you are in a position of authority with who also told you she has never cleared before. What a skanky man.

He is 6 months younger than my Dad. I would be sick if my Dad did that. He always says when his wife dies he will marry me and his children will love me. No they won't. He is a fantasist.

Right, it has done me the world of good saying these things. I didn't even know I had this many secrets. I spend most of my time in a weird disassociation state. Like I am watching my life. This has snapped me inti focus

Op, your husband has groomed you into downplaying his abuse, and now this man has groomed you to accept any crumb of attention he throws your way and have you be grateful for it.

You're not trapped, you have been in an abusive marriage and that has taken its toll on you, you CAN get help, you CAN get away, and you have to trust that your children love you enough that they won't abandon you.

Try doing the online freedom programme to start with, it makes you rethink situations and what is, and isn't abuse.

I think I have hit rock bottom tonight.

You are right about the scraps of attention. I am such a fucking fool.

I just want someone to love me so much and I thought this was it. I thought have 5 years of this, then he retires and you can grow old knowing someone loved you.

I will look at that programme. I have never told or written any of this down before

You need to get away from your husband, get yourself strong and independent, then when you don't need a man for your self esteem someone worthy of you will come along, and you'll keep him around because you want him, not because you need him.

Is this half life with your husband what you really want forever?

[quote FoolishWoman453]@Christoncrutches
All my husbands friends and mine are mutual. They all think we are a golden couple. Nobody knows how hard things were. Nobody would take my side[/quote]
Do you have people you can trust? How old are kids?

I have to sleep now but thank you for helping me to see the situation as it is