Family dynamics out of control now and don't know what to do!!

[citcatgirl45]

We don't work as a family anymore. There is myself, H and our our two teenagers. My 13 yr old DS is autistic and him and his dad clash so much. Being autistic he is different to most other teenage boys and he is loud and brash whereas my husband is quiet and subdued but otherwise they are so alike it is uncanny hence why they clash. My son isn't liked by many in the family so I feel I have to stick up for him.

To cut a long story short my DD is a caught in the middle and is really struggling because of the hatred between my son and his dad. So we are now at a DD and H against me DS and me. I really don't know what to do or where to go from here. My DS knows he is hated (to put it bluntly he is told this repeatedly by most of the family) and DD says she feels I love DS over her. I have to be constant referee between Hubby and son . I really don't know what to do!!!! Any advice would be much welcomed. Thank you.

My friend has two sons, neither autistic but both strong personalities. And their father was an alpha male type. She dreaded going home because from the time her eldest was 14, it was just constant warfare in the house and it could kick off at any time. She used to pour a large glass of wine and try to hide herself away. She often talked longingly about leaving home.
I have no advice. She didn't solve it. But they grew up, left home and then they returned to loving each other again. So a long process.
I don't know if your son will or can change as he grows up, but hopefully he will be able to leave one day if you can just hold it all together. My sister and I hated each other when we lived at home. We grew to be best friends. There is hope.
So this might not be helpful for your situation but just know that lots of families go through the same with no autism in the household.
Good luck!

Haven't you posted before multiple times over this in different contexts?;isn't your DH the one who previously buggered off to a family member's house to stay for abit and your DD felt she had to go too?;your son has a habit of winding people up?

I think we also established that your DH probably has ASD too but won't get any help and doesn't want to really parent your DS.

I don't think the answers will be any different this time either.

You still haven't binned off the crappy DH.

It is really awful that your dh hates his son and says so.

You and your dh have both out emotional responsibility on your dd shoulders and she also feels all powerful in the family - she is good, her brother is bad.

It is so wrong.