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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's up to no good, isn't he?

18 replies

Knobhead101 · 18/01/2022 20:52

Married 3 years, 2 year old DD, he's a history of trying it on with other girls via social media. Briefly split up and spent time apart but decided to give it one last go, around 4 months ago.

Tonight we had a rare child free evening so decided to head to the workshop and work on both of our cars. He asked me for a tool so I went over to his toolbox (kept locked, no one else has access to it) and had a rummage. I found a box of condoms - sealed in cellophane so not even the box had been opened, but there they were. I immediately asked why they were there, he said he has no idea and has never seen them before, his explanation was it was 'probably one of the work lads from where I last worked'. I said that's unlikely, why would they, but he insisted. I said okay, in that instance, text one something along the lines of 'haha, finally found the condoms you left in my box' - he refused, said they probably wouldn't remember doing it.

He comes straight home from work every night and is rarely anywhere without me & DD, but this isn't right, is it?

Need another perspective please!

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 18/01/2022 21:02

Only you can tell. Why you would want to stay with someone who ‘tries it on with girls’ is beyond me. You must be hyper -vigilant the whole time. He’s just not worth it, op.

Knobhead101 · 18/01/2022 21:03

@IsThePopeCatholic you're probably right, although he does appear to have changed this time around - famous last words.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 18/01/2022 21:05

Has he changed or are you desperate for him to have changed and he’s playing along?

scorpiogirly · 18/01/2022 21:07

The condoms aren't there for no reason. I don't see this as a joke that would be played.

Jk24 · 18/01/2022 21:15

Defo something going on here op

Pinkbonbon · 18/01/2022 21:16

I think he's been using that workshop for more than work. I mean...they could have from the time you were split up but, surely in that case he would have just had sex where he stayed.

Either that or he left them there incase one of those online encounters had potential to be something else and he didn't want to leave them around around the house.

But tbh op if a guy talks to other women online then he has no respect for his wife. And that will never ever change. So I'm not sure why tou bothered giving him more chances.

This new development is just icing on the cake.

Closetbeanmuncher · 18/01/2022 21:27

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Have you posted about this shady fuck recently?

Sonaftersonafterson · 18/01/2022 21:44

Ah come on now. Sorry OP but whaaaaat?

Obvious, rubbish lie.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 18/01/2022 21:50

Blokes and workshops eh? That old chestnut.

My daughter's ex partner suddenly started coming home later.

It used to be around 5.30.

Then it became 7.30. Then 9pm. Then 11.30pm. Sometimes 2am. A few times 6am - went to bed for two hours then back to work.

He is self employed with his own workshop. Has two staff who go home at 5pm.

Initially, we thought he was avoiding the children's bed/bath time routine.

His meals were left out - they would be found hidden under other rubbish in the bin.

He would text long explanations about all the many work commitments he had/must finish before tomorrow.

We couldn't understand that all these extra hours he was working was actually bringing in less and less money.

Turned out (after spying on him) that he was seeing prostitutes (very expensive ones) every week, socialising with his mates, eating at his mother's, going out with his dad. All of which he still denies. All of which he was witnessed doing over a period of one week. (Several family members took it in turns to follow him.)😬

Apparently he's living in the workshop now. They don't half come in handy - workshops.

Knobhead101 · 19/01/2022 16:49

@Wolfiefan he really has, until now. So I guess not.

@scorpiogirly I agree - who would go to the hassle for a 'joke'?!

@Pinkbonbon he was staying with his mum, so wouldn't have had sex there and wouldn't have kept condoms etc there. I'm starting to wonder why I'm giving him another chance too - more fool me I guess.

@Closetbeanmuncher I haven't, no. I'm a regular user, occasional poster but have NC for this.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche I'm really sorry your family went through that, it's really shit isn't it. I'm just glad you caught him in the act so there couldn't have been any more bullshit excuses.

Thanks for the reality check ladies. It's been really helpful.

OP posts:
Gardeningdream · 19/01/2022 16:54

It sounds like you know the truth, he’s cheating on you , but for sone reason don’t want to end it, and ultimately will believe lies to stay, even though you know deep down the truth of it?

Wolfiefan · 19/01/2022 17:01

But nothing has changed really has it? What prompted you to try again? Exes are generally exes for a really good reason. Unless there is some fundamental shift and determination to change it’s a really bad idea to go back.

layladomino · 21/01/2022 12:48

He is either cheating, or he is open to cheating.

Were they so hidden that he could reasonably have not seen them (I mean could they have been hidden since his last affair?). At best, it could be that he hid them there then, and they've sat there ever since.

It could be that he decided to leave them there in case he needs them in the future.

Or that he's put them there more recently because he's up to no good or planning to be.

But why would you want to stay with someone who 'tries it on' with other women? No wonder you're wondering about the condoms. I wonder how he would have reacted if he'd found condoms in your bag?

KilmordenCastle · 21/01/2022 12:56

As they are unopened I would say that they are there for when one of his online flirtations lead to more. So not necessarily that he IS shagging someone else but I reckon he'll be straight on shagging someone else as soon as the opportunity arises.

Cheaters rarely change. Sorry OP Flowers
No more chances for this one!

XBaconandpineappleX · 22/01/2022 00:34

Go with your gut. It's usually right. X

IrishKatie1971 · 22/01/2022 01:00

What's the date on them? Condoms have a shelf life... if you're wondering if they are from before, the date might help you. But his excuse is downright ridiculous and it very much sounds as if he's playing you for a fool again. Read about cognitive dissonance in abusive relationships....

NineteenSeventy2 · 22/01/2022 06:38

Yup, he’s playing around.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 22/01/2022 06:41

Maybe he enjoys a posh wank alone in the garage?

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