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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need to moan about husband

21 replies

yiuf · 18/01/2022 14:20

So I suffer with anxiety so unsure if it's me or I am being unreasonable.

So husband has just changed jobs from office to emergency services.We have 2 small children, one is under a year the other will start school in September. I am on maternity leave until February.

I had concerns due to the shift work and everything being left to me, but he wouldn’t discuss.
I work in a neighbouring town, I have to get bus or train, as we only have one car and we cannot afford another one.
So this leaves me with having to get to a family members house who does childcare in the opposite direction to where I need to work and also leaves me dealing with working out logistics with school when September comes.
My husband has already said he is not paying for after school club, as apparently my job is not the priority and my work should fit around the school hours (I work in retail, so isn’t feasible)

I’m being told everyone else is proud and supportive but I’m not, my response was that I am but they ain’t under the same pressure I am!

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 18/01/2022 14:31

Sorry but your husband sounds like a complete prick. Can you not have the car and he uses public transport as you're the one with the drop offs and pick ups. His reason for not contributing to childcare is also outrageous.

What if you told him that logistically it was going to be near on impossible for you to do this without a car so you will give up working until the kids are older?

Original poster
yiuf · 18/01/2022 14:42

@Justcallmebebes

Sorry but your husband sounds like a complete prick. Can you not have the car and he uses public transport as you're the one with the drop offs and pick ups. His reason for not contributing to childcare is also outrageous.

What if you told him that logistically it was going to be near on impossible for you to do this without a car so you will give up working until the kids are older?

So he needs the car for work, because he may be at other sites, i currently can't give up work, one due to debt and secondly my wage pays the rent basically!
OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 18/01/2022 15:15

Can he not see how unreasonable he is being then? What is his answer to your logistical problem of getting kids to childminder/school and then to work. Does he have any solutions?

Catcrazy83 · 18/01/2022 15:25

He can get a bike or a cheap moped Confused then you have the car, as you’re the one running the children around. What a prick

Original poster
yiuf · 18/01/2022 15:33

Okay glad to see it's not me, he told me it was all in my head and my anxiety causing arguments!
He has no solutions- he reckons he has changed career due to having children!

I am not saying that he shouldn't have changed careers but maybe he should have thought about it!
If I am honest our relationship has been on shaky ground for a while!

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 18/01/2022 15:36

Wow! Hes an arrogant selfish prick

GoodnightGrandma · 18/01/2022 15:39

Your husband is a dick.

NommyChompers · 18/01/2022 15:47

DO NOT GIVE UP WORK IF IT MEANS YOU ARE RELIANT ON HIM FINANCIALLY.

Original poster
yiuf · 18/01/2022 16:00

@NommyChompers

DO NOT GIVE UP WORK IF IT MEANS YOU ARE RELIANT ON HIM FINANCIALLY.
Don't worry I wouldn't give my job!
OP posts:
PhoboPhobia · 18/01/2022 16:04

So he has changed careers, wants everyone to be proud of him but doesn't feel in anyway responsible for how that impacts on his children or his wife and doesn't feel in any way responsible for finding a solution or paying towards childcare?

He's a dick.

IsThePopeCatholic · 18/01/2022 16:06

He is being a selfish dickhead.

girlmom21 · 18/01/2022 16:08

Tell him it's easy for everyone else to be proud because they're not picking up the slack and having to make 100 sacrifices for him.

blitzen · 18/01/2022 16:14

LTB. I bet your life would be much easier and your anxiety would improve without him.

Lampzade · 18/01/2022 16:18

As others have said, your dh is a complete and utter dick. The fact that he doesn’t want to pay for after school club just makes it worse.
I am not sure what advice I can give in this situation. Definitely don’t give up work though

ashorterday · 18/01/2022 16:18

I suggest you show him this thread OP.

BeggarsMeddle · 18/01/2022 16:24

Don't show him this thread.

girlmom21 · 18/01/2022 16:25

@ashorterday

I suggest you show him this thread OP.
Why would she possibly do that?
RandomMess · 18/01/2022 16:41

Sounds like he has changed jobs as an excuse to opt out of all child and house related duties. He seems to want your trapped and stuck at home not work where it will all be "his" money and he ramp up the control and criticism.

Original poster
yiuf · 18/01/2022 16:58

@RandomMess

Sounds like he has changed jobs as an excuse to opt out of all child and house related duties. He seems to want your trapped and stuck at home not work where it will all be "his" money and he ramp up the control and criticism.
That's the thing, I wouldn't give up my job, as we are in like £8000 of debt, and im trying to pay mine off, (I have £2500 on credit card, the rest his on credit card)
OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 19/01/2022 08:08

I hopehis attitude at work is better than his attitude to you. Cos he wont last long otherwise!!

Fatgalslim · 19/01/2022 08:48

What is he paying for if you're paying for the rent and childcare, are you paying proportionate to your earnings?

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