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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Co parenting hell. Advice needed please help!

8 replies

bexxboo · 18/01/2022 13:20

I've posted before about daughters father. This week has been awful. He has no respect for my boundaries.
When I tell him to not come round to see her he just shows up.
When I said she can spend a couple of hours at his house but I need her back by a certain time last night he said no I'll keep her for the night and get his mum to drop her off before nursery. She didn't arrive until 15 minutes before we were due to leave, her hair wasn't done and she hadn't had breakfast. She was crying her eyes out saying she didn't want to go to nursery.
I asked him what time she went to bed and he then tried to get his mum to pick her back up again and have her overnight again! I said no she is in nursery again tomorrow. I've said she cannot stay at his when she is In nursery the next day. It really fucks with my plans and our routine.
I had to then take her with me to my course today, she had to sit through a 2 hour lesson, and she was too tired for the afternoon slot.

Why can't he just fucking listen and respect my wishes? He's so erratic with no regard for anyone else. I stopped the visits at my flat because he is really disrespectful to me, I literally can't win. I'm exhausted and drained I don't need this.

OP posts:
Notanotherchange · 18/01/2022 13:38

It wont get better, been there done that...

You need to set up a formal agreement and have firm boundaries with this. Have you thought of going to mediation to sort contact? I did this and made things better.

You need to agree on times/days he can see her and stick to it. No drop ins or last minute changes.

ChristyL · 18/01/2022 13:39

My friend is in the same situation as yourself at the moment. She had rang to police about him refusing to bring the child back and they told her that he would get in trouble for kidnapping. Is there a citizens advice that you could contact and see what is your best options. hope it gets sorted out for yourself.

trickytimes · 18/01/2022 13:42

Get court ordered contact with set dates and times. Stop pandering to him. Does he pay his CMS?

trickytimes · 18/01/2022 13:43

and who is having her overnight? Him or his mother?

Nanny0gg · 18/01/2022 13:58

Go to court. That's the only way. He's never going to do it your way.

bexxboo · 18/01/2022 14:25

I spoke to him on the phone this afternoon, it is difficult as he works away so whenever he is back is at complete random. Could be a whole weekend, could be the odd Wednesday night etc. He said he likes having her overnight it's the only time he gets to see her, which is fine but not if everyone around him has to suffer the consequences the next day (his mother rushing her to my house, me, and DD)

It's a case of meeting half way which he doesn't seem to understand.

When he is back he lives with his mother to answer the question.

I said he is more than welcome to take her to his house for a few hours but needs to respect my routine and to not upset it.

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 18/01/2022 14:34

You need to go to mediation and if that fails to a court ordered schedule. Don't let him get away with this. It clearly isn't in your child's best interests.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 18/01/2022 14:36

How old is your DD

I would get a court ordered contract in place.

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