Am I worrying too much about this?

[Quattrocento]

DD has a boyfriend. They text one another all the time. When they are not texting one another, they are on MSN. DD tells me his email address is "[email protected]".

All their friends know about this relationship, and they are known to be an item at their schools. They have dates. They have sleepovers. They plan to get married when they are really old like 20 or something.

DH and I think they are both being perfectly silly because they are only 9.

Does it really have to start so young?

Well, sheesh, the upper classes used to betrothe newborns so it's hardly unheard of. Kids are capable of feeling an intense love for one another, and in some cases they will go on to get married etc. In other cases they will grow apart due to one or other moving, changing interests etc (and then meet each other again through Freinds Reunited when they are 42 and get maried or soemthing).
As long as they are both happy and neither is getting too mixed up or messed up with overactive hormones yet, let them be happy and store it all up for embarrassing speeches at their wedding(either to each other or to whoever they marry) in later years.

I do agree with you.

However.

It does start that young. My mum was mortified when she found out that Wesley was my 'boyfriend' when I was about 8. She had a big huff about how silly I was. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. At 8 I didn't really have much of a clue what a boyfriend was - I think it meant we'd queue together for lunch in the school canteen and not much else. Once my friend dared me to kiss Wesley on the cheek - I did and my little brother told my mum. She went spare! Banned me from seeing these particular friends. Used to go on about how silly and un-true to life 'Neighbours' was, because "all those schoolchildren think about is who is whose boyfriend and girlfriend - it's just silly".

I can see now that she was just unprepared and embarassed and trying to deal with something she thought of as silly and a waste of time when I should have been playing dollies and climbing trees.

I still flush hot when I think about my mum's opinion of my early forays in the world of boys. I realised that dealings with boys were something shameful and to be kept secret from my mum. I sometimes feel angry with her, because I think many of my disasterous teenage dealings with the opposite sex might have been helped by a supportive, grown-up influence rather than her flusterings.

Don't get me wrong, she didn't deal with it any different than a lot of mums would - but it had a profound effect on me. Hence the long post! Tread carefully.

Don't worry BS - I was trying an amused tolerance sort of line - rather than being downright repressive.

You're right as ever Madamez, I/we should treat it with a bit more respect. Maybe I should cut out the amused bit?

In reality it's more like bemused rather than amused.

Juliet was in her teens wasn't she? Admittedly early teens. I thought I had years before all this stuff kicked in.

You're never too young nor too old for love

< Happy Christmas >

[Smile] Ahem - err sorry, did I just unload 30 years of my own baggage about my mother onto your thread?

NOOO BS was entirely relevant because I really DO think that DD would be better employed climbing trees and I DO think she is being silly. But we're not being repressive about it.

< I like. >

DS#1 has a girlfriend but TBH it's not a big deal as they never see each other outside school (actually they will as it's her b'day party soon). She txts him endlessly and generally he deletes them unread tutting in an exasperated manner meanwhile . I honestly think that he is too young but as it isn't that serious we live with it. The main reason DS has a gf is because his best mate has and that is a worry to his mum - because that is serious. They live in each other's pockets and apparently his mum has found them partially undressed on his bed. So they are now banned from being along together in his room. Experimentation is one thing but at 10 they are still children and, illegality aside, they should be more interested in other things.

Well, ds is very much in love with Megan at school, and has been proclaiming his love for a year or more, he's 8.

He even says she's sexy, altho I know he has no idea of what it means (we had a conversation about it recently).

I'm just letting them get on with it, tho' fortunately no mobiles nor MSN involved, I thing under teenage is too young for such things anyway.

I would be horrified at the idea of 10 year-olds experimenting with undressing etc. I had a boyfriend when I was 12, but never thought beyond a 'snog'.

I think kids watching the soaps etc puts these ideas into their heads. It's one reason why they are never on in this house (that and the fact that they are rubbish).

I do have a bit of a worry about finding them partially undressed to be brutally honest.

Although I think he is keener than she is (the only evidence I have for this is that his texts outnumber hers about 2:1 but maybe this is because I insisted she have a pay-as-you-go tariff).

Maybe I shouldn't worry

Hmm I can appreciate that the idea of finding them partially undressed is a bit worrying. If you haven't already then you probably need to have a nice gentle sensible talk with yours about sex and relationships, with a certain amount of emphasis on 'when you're a bit older' with regard to the physical stuff. Frankly in this case telling them that they are not physically old enough is not a lie.
But please, if you do catch them doing anything they are a bit young for in that respect, however shocked and horrified you are, try to avoid reacting with anger and making them feel that their loving each other is stupid or dirty or shameful.(yes it is a bit cute/daft etc but they are people, however young, and entitled to feel what they feel). It's not that likely that they would go beyond kissing each other at this age as their hormones etc aren't really going to be kicking in for a couple of years.