Let me just state, from the outset, that I’m not talking about abusive situations. And this isn’t really a question post, I’m just musing.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while and honestly, half of the time people are talking about their issues with their partner or prospective partner (why is he doing this? What’s he thinking?) and seem genuinely flummoxed when someone goes ‘have you asked him? Or they are frustrated about XYZ and it doesn’t seem to have occurred to them (often for months or years) to tell their partner that they are frustrated about XYZ.
Why do you think this is? I suspect it might have something to do with the way a lot of us (women, specifically) are raised to be nice, accommodating and not make a fuss. To make ourselves small and act as oil on troubled waters. Also, rather a lot of us grew up with shitty relationship models and have no idea what healthy communication looks like - if you’ve never seen it, you might not even know it exists.
I think online fora where women can speak to other women for support and advice are really one of the marvels of the 21st century and are a massive factor in what has been and will continue to be a massive shift in relationship models. Sites like this have helped develop my emotional intelligence, taught me to articulate my feelings, and taught me to tolerate considerably less nonsense than I previously did - as I’m sure is the case for quite a few of us. Taught us that we don’t have to be nice, we can make a fuss and we have the right to communicate what we want.
I think that’s great. Anyone have any thoughts and fancy joining me in my musings?