Should I stand for this?

[Becktoro]

So brief outline, I’ve been married 5 years together 7. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 10 years ago so hubby knows what the deal is with me getting ill and having bad flare ups.

Yesterday he had to call an ambulance as I was suffering so badly with pain in my head I was screaming, after some pain relief it got to a manageable place. Today I’ve felt terrible still in pain and feel exhausted so did the bare minimum, looked after toddler and fed everyone. Husband takes over bath time and getting LO dressed and loses it, literally screaming at me to man up and just deal with it?????

I don’t know what I’m really looking for here but he makes me feel worthless when I’m ill

So he cannot deal with bath time or dressing DC but you need to “man up” when you are ill?

Did he get confused and mean Woman Up?

I think he must have

What would he expect to happen if he was ill??

It sounds like you have been doing stuff, just not everything. Do you usually do everything? I’d be telling him he clearly needs more practice so things need to change

I honestly have never felt so alone and unloved in my life! I thought I was going to die yesterday as that is how my mum passed away (aneurysm) so to have gone through that and then this today is just too much!

It's very difficult to live with someone with a chronic illness. You said you thought you would die and were screaming in pain. Do you think your husband is coping?

I have a chronic condition and my husband has had to deal with some really gruelling times. I've seen him break down with the stress of not being able to help and having to keep going.

Sometimes I think he wishes I wasn't ever unwell so his life was easier. Who could blame him?

I think your husband resents the difficulty your illness presents but that could really be because he's not coping either

When he said deal with it did he mean your illness or looking after DC. Do you normally do all the childcare and he won't help out, either way it's not good.

He can bloody well man up! - feed himself and look after his own DC ??
I would down tools and not lift a finger for him, especially when you're ill. He should not have become a father if he didn't want the responsibility of taking care of his own child.

So he can't do himself what he's expecting you to do while seriously ill?

I don't have an answer for you but I'm sorry you're in that position.

I'm not sticking up for him at all. It's likely he gets overwhelmed and stressed. Those words he doesn't mean. But!!! He needs to say sorry. You need to have a talk with him.

I am with a man who has chronic back pain. I've never ever yelled or told him to get on. Because I know he can't. We've not been able to have sex or enjoy a walk now for 2 months as his backs got terrible. I do sit there sometimes and feel irritated because I want a hug. Sex. A long walk. The attentions usually on him and his pain. But when I'm having those thoughts. I still love him loads. I still care.

I hope he makes it right and apologises xx

It's a horrible condition you have, and because 'pain' is invisible, it's difficult to be able to empathise continually.

I've had to describe the pain to my husband.

I told him to imagine trying to climb the stairs, and every 2-3 seconds, someone kicks you in the ankle, then in the knee and hip.

I asked him to imagine trying to stand peeling veg, while someone is inserting corkscrews into 8 bits of his back simultaneously.

I asked him to see how strangers look at me when I scream out in pain suddenly when I'm out, and imagine they were staring at him.

Ask you DH to actually imagine how he would feel if he were the one suffering, and you shouted at him to 'man up', while an invisible person was kicking him and inserting corkscrews ..........

You need to contact your GP for support and have an Occupational Therapist assessment of your house to see if you could be supported by suitable aids.

I cannot say whether your DH will be able to 'cope' with being a carer long term, as many do not. But sometimes simply describing how often and how bad the pain is can help.

I think it's possibly due to the world we live in where women's pain and illness is often dismissed as imagined or exaggerated. Tell him to man up and just deal with the fact you are ill!

He sounds very unkind.