female partner has never had an orgasm (I'm female too)

[DeliKat]

I've NCed for this. I'm a long time poster, and I'm not looking for sex advice. This is firmly on the relationships and feelings side of things :)

To give context, I'm (amicably) divorced after 20 years, kids away at Uni. Happy, healthy, very good place with respect to work, finances, interests, etc. I was not looking for another relationship, happy alone. However, over the past months, a friendship with a female friend has developed into something more.

I'd known the friend, who works in the same industry, for several years. She is single, 10 years younger than me, no kids, successful, and recently out of a long term relationship. I'd never considered myself bi, had been dating with ex-DH since teens.

We get on well together, every thing is so so easy. We both have our own lives, but can meet together for coffee most days (work in same area), hang out together, dinner at weekends. We've stayed over at each others places, even as friends we'd done this. In short, it is really great :)

The sex was very new for me, as I'd only been with ex-DH and two others. I enjoyed it, and she does seem to as well. A while back she told me she has never orgasmed. I didn't always with ex-DH, but I did most of the time.

I don't know why, but suddenly this information has made me feel under some sort of pressure. I'm confused about why I feel like this.

I'll need to talk with her about it, but any comments or insight from MN might help me think this through. Thank you!

@Imstuck, I think you are right it is something most people don't speak about in real life. It's great that you have some contacts in other forums that share your experience. I'm similar in that I struggle with something (that happened to me), and I've had fantastic online support with people who understand where I'm coming from.

Not sure if you saw this thread, but might be useful or not
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4430155-To-ask-if-you-orgasm-during-sex?pg=12

I am a woman who has relationships with women and there is a huge amount of variation in orgasmic capacity, for want of a better phrase.

I think it's easy to make a mistake by thinking that every woman has a similar experience to you when you start off sleeping with women.

There also seems to be quite a lot of variation in women who masturbate so don't make any assumptions there.

Age can sometimes be relevant but not always, some women may orgasm more over time (eg more orgasms or starting to orgasm by late 20s or beyond), many others will not.

I think knowing when to stop doing whatever it is you're doing can be something that comes up because there's not the same sort of end point, and there can be a build up that doesn't seem to go anywhere so you can feel uncertain how to proceed, but good communication takes care of this. And of course with other women who easily have multiple orgasms that first climax might not be where you stop. There really is just so much variation amongst women, you just have to work it out as you go along.

@DriverEightt that's great thank you I will read that with interest!