Being Grateful

[Ctu24]

My husband told me I should be grateful for all the money we have as it's been down to him that we have it. I have always worked apart from when the children were younger. According to my husband, I made little difference to our financial pot....

But you stayed at home and raised the children, being as nursery fees are ridiculously expensive, that is a massive contribution to the pot.

Is he always such an arse?

What a self-absorbed, nasty little prick. This man has zero respect for you and all you do for your family. You might as well be the hired help.

Well if you’re supposed to be grateful for that, then he should be grateful to you for enabling him to have a home and family. As I’ll bet he’s contributed relatively little to the parenting, housework, mental load “pot”.

He should be grateful that you provided the necessary free childcare and contributed to the family coffers that way. He should also remember the job you gave up in order to do that!

Is he always such a self-absorbed twat?

Have you ever left your dh alone for two weeks? Come back to someone who's eaten junk for a fortnight, living in dirty sheets and dirty clothes, the cupboards are bare, the bins haven't been emptied and he's forgotten to tax the car.

Your arrogant prat of a DH needs reminding how the real world works, not just the one in his imagination.

I am grateful for my DH's contribution, I'm grateful he has worked hard to succeed in his career, I'm grateful he has had good health to enable that.

And he is grateful for the work I have done behind the scenes facilitating that.

We are a team, we plan our career moves together, we plan our spending and investments together. I can't imagine him expressing that somehow I should show more gratitude. It would be a really weird thing to say. Like a footballer saying to a striker, "well you should be grateful I was stopping those balls going in the net" as if the striker was just fannying about the entire game instead of scoring winning goals.

Your DH needs re-education.

If I was you I'd be physically showing him exactly what he needed to be 'grateful' for ffs !

I'd be packing a bag and fucking off for a nice wee holiday, all on my lonesome, and letting him do everything I did for a couple of bloody weeks ! Telling him ''Well, you seem to think that my 'contribution' is not as great as yours, so I'm going to show you what I 'contribute', 7 days a week, 365 days a year !

And if he still wasn't 'grateful' ? I'd secretly be telling the kids on Sunday night that because work was really busy, Daddy was going to be taking care of them for a while, but that I'd see them next weekend.
The next morning, I'd set my alarm for an hour earlier than his, then get up, dressed and out the door, calling a cheery ''I'm slammed at work right now, but I've told the kids that you'll be doing everything for the next couple of weeks or so. I'll be home after the kids are asleep, but I'll sort my own tea, bye !''
Then I'd totally stop doing all the things I do to make family life 'happen', i.e

So, no shopping.
Or cooking.
Or laundry.
Or childcare.
Or cleaning.
Or life admin.
Or school runs/ school admin/ dates to remember/ book days etc etc
Or taking care of kids when unwell.
Or making doctor/dentist/GP visits with kids.
No buying cards/ gifts for any family etc
No bath/bed routine with the kids.

I'd be making sure that the school/ nursery/ GP/ dentist etc only had his telephone number and I'd ignore all his calls.
I'd also be unavailable to do school drop-offs/collections due to 'work commitments' and deliberately arrive home hours after he'd be home and had to cook his own and kids tea/ homework/ bath/ bed etc

I'd only relent when he admitted/ acknowledged that the 'contribution' we both made were equal (If not more that his mere 'cash' 'contribution' ffs !!

But then I have been accused of being 'harsh' at times But I simply refuse to be 'subservient' or made to feel 'less than' by anyone ! I also don't believe that forcing a 'Dad' to actually take control of his own kids care is a bad 'lesson' for kids to learn either ! i.e that it's not only 'Mum' that should be able to help with school/ meals/ childcare etc !(It's a bit of 'education' for the whole bloody family about what their Wife/Mum actually does daily for them and that they should all recognise that !)

I'd be reminding him a good divorce solicitor would as a starting point give you 50% of the house,assets,savings,his pension etc.As you've stayed home when the kids were small you've delayed your career and facilitated his and the kids still need a home so you might get a larger share of the family home.

And then there's the lovely CM payments you'd be entitled too from his all important salary.

And as an added bonus you don't have to clean up after him anymore/listen to his bullshit and would get EOW to yourself.

I would stop contributing financially to the house because apparently he pays for it all

That's fine. Don't pay anything else into it.

Oh what a prince eh!

My H says he "can't do this without me"

On the flip side I do thank him for taking on the bulk of the financial burden so we can have what we have, which isn't loads but it's enough.

It's about acknowledgement.